33 Year Old Turd

Way back when, last year, there was so much chaos in the lives of the triple nipples that we needed an outlet to get our minds off of what was going on.  One night, after having dinner out, we were sitting in the car, and we were discussing the good old days of our youth, when we were toilet papering bastards, err, I mean masters.  We decided, with a twinkle in our eye, that it was time to wreak some havoc on the homes of the members of our church.  It just so happened, that it was a certain member's birthday, so he became target #1; with car paint, instant mashed potatoes, and lots and lots of toilet paper.  This must have been inspired, as he had a GIANT tree in his front yard, and all lights were out at 9:30 p.m. when we arrived.  On a side-note, Tassels was totally pregnant at the time of this heinous crime. 

Upon arrival, with lights off, and toilet paper in hand, Fancy took it upon herself to "cast the first stone" aka the toilet paper into the first tree.  It seemed like pandimonium as we all began to use our individual techniques and try hard to scatter toilet paper all over the lawn and within the trees.  Fancy loves to blow her nose, then shred the nasty pieces filled with her boogers all over the lawn, making it absolutely necessary for someone to touch her disgusting germs.  Whiskey grabbed the marker and went tits up on all the windows of the house and cars; writing 33 year old turd, old geezer, old fart, etc. on each of the windows.  Tassels had the bright idea of bringing instant mashed potatoes.  Instant mashed potatoes you ask? Why bring those to a t.p.ing job?  Tassels quickly taught Fancy and Whiskey a valuable lesson.  By sprinkling the instant mashed potatoes all over wet surfaces and in cracks of sidewalks, they begin to expand, and are quite difficult to be rid of. 

Just as Tassels sprinkled the last potato flake, Fancy thought she heard a noise.  She quickly alerted the others to her suspicion that someone was stirring in the house.  All the nipples bounded away.  Fancy attempted to hide behind a small foreign car, aka a child's play car.  Whiskey found a giant snowball in the middle of the street, where her butt was still exposed (baby got back!) and Tassels attempted to waddle away as fast as she could, but was still unable to escape the inevitable.  Thus a little trickle, trickle made it's way down her leg, which at the time caused Tassels to stop dead in her tracks and burst into laughter. 

The next day at church, the 33 year old turd was standing at the doors of the chapel asking people to write the number 33 on a paper.  Whiskey had the privilege of sitting behind said turd and his family, where he tried to inquire if she knew who had done the damage to his house.  Whiskey was then invited to his birthday party, where the t.p. job was the topic of conversation.  Everyone there was required to write 33 year old turd as they entered the party.

Jokes on you 33 year old turd. You drove your car to church with the graffiti.  You will be forever remembered as a 33 year old turd in our book!