Muff-Bumper

This could've been Fancy.  For you see, Fancy could have been a lesbian.  Let's walk  down Fancy's path to lesbianism. 

It all began when Fancy, the middle of three girls in her family, became taller than both of her sister.  Therefore, it became Fancy's job to always play the day or the brother when playing house.  In fact, Fancy's sisters made her even be a male teacher when she was the teacher at school. 

Fancy and her sisters would frequently get Barbie dolls for their birthdays or Christmas.  However, Fancy always received the Ken Barbie while her sisters got the Barbies in pretty dresses, signifying that Fancy was into the more masculine, manly type of Barbie.

Fancy's favorite color is also blue.  Maybe that should have tipped someone off.

The real reason that Fancy thinks that she could have been a carpet muncher occurred when she was eight years old. You see, Fancy and her sisters went in for a hair cut.  Little did Fancy know that her mom was going to experiment with Fancy, and Fancy alone.  This was a traumatic event for Fancy, and even now it is difficult to speak of.  Fancy's mom cut Fancy with SIDE BURNS!  Yes, like some little SIDE BURNS.  Some other little girl in the ward had side burns, so why not Fancy?  So poor Fancy had to endure her creepy little Mary-Macho hair cut.  She became the subject of much ridicule amongst her family because no one had ever seen a little girl with side burns before. 

It is such a shame that Fancy has had to endure the memory of the side burns for 20+ years...

Oh, and Fancy has a girlfriend.  Her name is Carol!