Once more, on another occasion, Fancy was having an emotional meltdown. Despite it being Sunday, Whiskey offered to take her to get a diet coke and to go for a drive. At this time, Whiskey was trying to break her fast food addiction and hadn't consumed any fast food in four days. As they pulled up to the drive-thru, Fancy ordered her diet coke and then a quarter pounder, Fancy Jr a meal, and Whiskey couldn't take it and had to order a meal as well.
**Side Note--They're not even out of the drive-thru yet, and Fancy already has her quarter pounder out, whispering sweet nothings between its buns (I love you! I love you! I love you!).
As they're driving along, Whiskey takes the first bite of her quarter pounder, and instantly knows she is going to regret this later, yet continues to scarf her sweet drug down.
They went to a rural part of the city, with no place to stop, when suddenly Whiskey felt a little grumble, grumble in her prego tumble. She pushed it to the limits, thinking she could make it around the lake. As her stomach expanded and collapsed with gas and let's face it, CRAP, she felt the pressure to turn around. Fancy at this point, in the passenger seat, thoroughly enjoying Whiskey's misery.
Whiskey as gripping the wheel so tightly that her knuckles were literally white, which is amazing considering she has brown skin. Fancy, the bitch that she is, kept laughing and laughing and laughing.
If you know Whiskey, you know she has a phobia of public restrooms, raced forward to try to make it home. She knew she wouldn't make it when goosebumps crawled up her arms and onto her cheeks, not her butt cheeks, her facial cheeks.
She pulled over at a gas station, raced in, butt cheeks clenched, begging for the bathroom. Fancy witnesses Whiskey's walk of shame out to the honey bucket.
**Side Note--Whiskey was still in her brand spanking new church dress, sexy heels, and amazing jewelry!
As soon as Whiskey, head hung low, gets back in the car, Fancy opens up the hand sanitizer. She tells Whiskey not to just rub it on her hands, but everywhere, and to then drink from it.
I too am terrified of public bathrooms while my husband prides himself on popping anywhere and EVERYWHERE. There are no words for my gimpy hillbilly
ReplyDeleteTriple D and I have a sister-Granola-who Also has no qualms about her IBS and milk allergy assaulting others in public bathrooms.
ReplyDeleteGranola huh? I AM DYING!!!! Has she let you cut her hair yet? I will never forget when she would stop at my house to use my bathroom when she first moved in w/ her roommates. Sometimes she couldn't make it home, and my house was closer than hers. Other times, she didn't want to reveal her little IBS secret to her roommates, at least in the beginning. I am seriously laughing at the memories! TOO FUNNY!
ReplyDeleteOh, that was from me, Fancy
ReplyDelete