I was on my way out of my church class to return my stuff to the library. Suddenly I felt eyes on me. I felt like I was being stalked by a mountain lion. In all reality, it was the Zoo-Meister, and I wasn't her prey, my stomach was. The second she saw me, her eyes got huge, and her hands started moving in a clock-wise, circular motion.
***Side Note--every Sunday she tries to rub my ever-grown-baby-bump.
Like any animal being stalked by a predator, I started to zig-zag down the hall. I don't know how that old lady is in such good shape because I was in a full-on sprint by the time she caught up to me. Right before her long, dirty nails caressed my body, I thought fast, and I held up a picture of Jesus.
***Side Note--It was like a scene from The Exorcist.
Thankfully the library was open, and I cut her off as her hand stretched-forth to remove Jesus from in front of my womb. I gave friendly hello, and she got the clue, this one time, that I was not interested in her touching my body!
Later, while sitting on the couch outside the Bishop's office, The Zoo-Meister happened upon me again. This time, I didn't see it coming, so I was unprepared. She caressed my neck with her long, creepy nails, and pressed her cold, corpse-like fingers against my skin. I felt dirty all over. Apparently I looked hot, and she felt the need to cool me down with her touch of weird!
***Side Note--The Zoo-Meister really is a sweet spirit, and I love her.
There's a creepy guy that eye rapes me every Sunday here too! I wonder if they're related? He also enjoys coming up behind you and.....grabbing your.....shoulder. Periods added for dramatic pause.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I really want to happen this prego round is for someone I don't know to come up and touch my belly so I can look horrified and tell them I'm not pregnant!
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