So ever since I saw my beloved juicer on sale at walmart for $39.99, I've felt this crazy need to be healthy. Why you ask, who the hell knows?!
I thought to myself, "Oh a juicer! If I buy it and juice shit it will automatically give me a solid six pack or maybe I will actually be able to run a mile for once in my life." WTF was I thinking?!!!
I think I journeyed to what if land, where we all look like Gods and there is peace and free love.
It actually started off awesome. I opened it up, threw a few apples in and it was epic! The juice was like necture to my taste buds.
***Side Note: Whiskey Jr. #3 just puked into my boot, that is on my foot...my sock is filling up with baby vomit.... seriously.....SERIOUSLY!!!
Back to the juicer...I was in love. So fruit was a win, win why not throw some super veggies in there and juice the hell out of that shit? I went for it. I juiced a cucumber, celery, spinach and parsley. It smelled like freshly cut grass, which I didn't mind. I made me think healthy thoughts....six pack abs, nice firm ass. The color was a nice green....green is good right?!
I took a sip....holy ship! It was terrible. It tasted like a million nightmares. I started gagging and quickly saw my dreams of sex apeal and stamina slipping away. F*** that I thought and chugged it. Oh my hell! Again WTF was I thinking. My body litterally started shuttering. I couldn't get the taste off of my tongue and I began gagging, then dry heaving and eventually puking in the sink. Farwell Fitness magazine, farwell!
I felt like I had just licked a thousand sweaty butt cracks...
Props to the crazy sons of witches that can pull that crap off. I will straight up admit i would rather drink a Pepsi.
I seriously about peed my pants...LOVE THIS POST!
ReplyDelete~Fancy
Best post EVER. seriously the fact that your child puked in your boot and you let it sit in there while typing this blog post and then you mentioned it and kept writing is epic. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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