Going Green Literally

So ever since I saw my beloved juicer on sale at walmart for $39.99, I've felt this crazy need to be healthy. Why you ask, who the hell knows?!

I thought to myself, "Oh a juicer! If I buy it and juice shit it will automatically give me a solid six pack or maybe I will actually be able to run a mile for once in my life." WTF was I thinking?!!!
I think I journeyed to what if land, where we all look like Gods and there is peace and free love.

It actually started off awesome. I opened it up, threw a few apples in and it was epic! The juice was like necture to my taste buds.

***Side Note: Whiskey Jr. #3 just puked into my boot, that is on my foot...my sock is filling up with baby vomit.... seriously.....SERIOUSLY!!!

Back to the juicer...I was in love. So fruit was a win, win why not throw some super veggies in there and juice the hell out of that shit? I went for it. I juiced a cucumber, celery, spinach and parsley. It smelled like freshly cut grass, which I didn't mind. I made me think healthy thoughts....six pack abs, nice firm ass. The color was a nice green....green is good right?!

I took a sip....holy ship! It was terrible. It tasted like a million nightmares.  I started gagging and quickly saw my dreams of sex apeal and stamina slipping away.  F*** that I thought and chugged it.  Oh my hell!  Again WTF was I thinking.  My body litterally started shuttering.  I couldn't get the taste off of my tongue and I began gagging, then dry heaving and eventually puking in the sink.  Farwell Fitness magazine, farwell! 

I felt like I had just licked a thousand sweaty butt cracks...

Props to the crazy sons of witches that can pull that crap off.  I will straight up admit i would rather drink a Pepsi.