The Not-So Itty Bitty Titty Committee Presents...

Aloha Tri-Nips everywhere! GW, The Not-So Itty Bitty Titty Committee Representative blogging all up in this piece today! As this is my debut guest spot on the Triple Nipple, I decided to blow it up true Nipple style and bestow on you a double G feature. Boobie pun intended. So without further ado, sit down, snack up, and muff all the little ears. (sound of a gavel) The Committee will now proceed into the urgent questions, comments, and problems of my Not-So Itty Bitty Life of Titties.

Representing the Triple Nipple at the Kiddie-Park

At the request of…well…myself, I’m going to introduce myself. I’m not yet ashamed of my age, so with honest disclosure I am 23 going on 64. If have been fortunate enough to have basked in my body’s misshapen shadow, then you have seen and are jealous, that I am the self proclaimed official shape mascot of the “berry family”-yes, as in fruit. I have the “Florence Nightengale” syndrome, I have and always will love Christian Slater, I know a girl who saw Johnny Depp once, and I felt up a tranny once.

Hi. My name is Itty Bitty Titty Committee Representative GW, and I love to shop. There I said it. My compulsion is mostly for shoes. High ones, low ones, hooker ones, and baller ones. Ones with zippers, ones with buckles, I especially like to celebrate my laziness with Velcro ones. I even almost bought a pair of boat shoes until I realized that neither I, nor anyone else I know owns a sailboat…or even boat for that matter. And unless I make new friends or uproot myself to the radically liberal New England, then my boat shoe dreams should stay just that. Hallelujah, I am capable of self control.

My super secret compulsion, however, is for perfume. Ohhhhh just smelling it waft through the mall stores is enough to put me into a frenzied sensory seizure. Even perfume shopping online I like to convince myself that my monitor is scratch and sniff. But where fragrances truly get me, is from their names. God bless you, whoever names fragrances and perfumes. You have probably made millions you brilliant, genius, bastards.  I pose just one question…how do you know what “Skinny Dipping” smells like? And what kind of skinny dipping are you doing? My skinny dipping smells more like sweat and shame than anything else, do you think you could add those top notes to it? Other fragrance names that I stand in question:

Love Spell-sounds like it should smell like salty tears and eye of toad a little bit more.

Affliction- I’m sorry I just can’t commit to something that is a synonym for disease. If I wanted to smell like disease then I’d live in a hospital or be a 

hobo.

Aqua Kiss-sounds like a euphemism for drowning…apparently drowning smells delightful.

Succulent Kiss-Am I supposed to make out with a strawberry? That is my body shape you know…

Fierce-Bears are fierce. Wolverines. Are. Fierce. They’re also filthy. So I would like to smell like I hibernated in a poo cave for 6 months…my how sexy.

Provocative Angel-Sacrilege! Lightning bolts upon you!!!

All that being said, well played you, the genius bastard. You had me at Obsession.