Thursday, March 15, 2012

One NOT Mamma


I’ve never been what one would call “anti-social”. I’ve been “anti-people”, “anti-kid”, and on occasion have been known to be “anti-pants”. But those words have never been mentioned in succession with GW and Not-So Itty Bitty Titties.

This last weekend I was forced to fight in the anti-social/lesbian corner.  Lesbian ok. Fine. I’ve had the stereotypical “dike” haircut once upon a time, but I did my community service in the lezzie corner and that chapter has long since been closed-or so I thought.

Page Uno. I went to a movie with a group of people and boxed out. Literally, cue me jumping up trying to squeeze my pudgy little body through cracks in their circular defenses, whining “hey guys, let me in!” Maybe they confused by the afro-blonde-albino-black person trying to penetrate their circle…that’s what she said. Hint: That was me. Maybe they saw the unexplained car seat in the backseat of my car. I’m a worthless nanny I swear! Maybe they were ashamed of me when they found out about my fake boyfriend conspiracy that I made up, where, depending on necessity I have several “boyfriends” that all have Apostle names…Peter, Paul, Bartholomew, and Graham. But that I doubt, I’ve been very covert. 

The coveted "Fro"

I now know exactly how Woody felt (that’s what she said), when Andy put him in the attic. I honestly wouldn’t be shocked if I looked on the bottom of my fabulous shoe and saw the infamous 4 letter word: A-backwards N-D-Y. Who would have thought. Little old me. The proverbial forgotten toy. I haven’t had this few friends since the time I lived in the Mother-Land and would give work the ole “Ferris Bueller” and skip over to Fancy’s for some good times of yelling at the TV-Fancy’s catchphrase: Shut it Ade!, Iceburg, and Golden Girls.  

So if I don’t wake up one day, and you find me on my big girl bed smothered by stuffed animals and lisa frank paraphernalia, just know: I have an forgotten toy complex. And they hated me too.


3 comments:

  1. Oh GW...come over to Fancy's! We could veg in front of the TV with a big milkshake from Zips and I will repeatedly tell Ade to SHUT IT! I will even make you some SMORES treats and salsa chicken...your two favorites my little pet! I will even write FANCY on the bottom of your shoe, so you don't have to belong to ANDY.

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    1. ANDY is a little cheating bugger. And you know the way to my stomach!!!!!!! Through my big fat mouth!!!!!

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  2. Oh, and I forgot to mention, but I'd really like you to fro my hair the way yours is. It could be an interesting look for me. I heart you and your itty-bitty-titties...

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