I’ve never
been what one would call “anti-social”. I’ve been “anti-people”, “anti-kid”, and
on occasion have been known to be “anti-pants”. But those words have never been
mentioned in succession with GW and Not-So Itty Bitty Titties.
This last
weekend I was forced to fight in the anti-social/lesbian corner. Lesbian ok. Fine. I’ve had the stereotypical “dike”
haircut once upon a time, but I did my community service in the lezzie corner
and that chapter has long since been closed-or so I thought.
Page Uno. I
went to a movie with a group of people and boxed out. Literally, cue me jumping
up trying to squeeze my pudgy little body through cracks in their circular
defenses, whining “hey guys, let me in!” Maybe they confused by the afro-blonde-albino-black
person trying to penetrate their circle…that’s what she said. Hint: That was
me. Maybe they saw the unexplained car seat in the backseat of my car. I’m a worthless
nanny I swear! Maybe they were ashamed of me when they found out about my fake
boyfriend conspiracy that I made up, where, depending on necessity I have
several “boyfriends” that all have Apostle names…Peter, Paul, Bartholomew, and
Graham. But that I doubt, I’ve been very covert.
The coveted "Fro"
I now know
exactly how Woody felt (that’s what she said), when Andy put him in the attic.
I honestly wouldn’t be shocked if I looked on the bottom of my fabulous shoe
and saw the infamous 4 letter word: A-backwards N-D-Y. Who would have thought.
Little old me. The proverbial forgotten toy. I haven’t had this few friends
since the time I lived in the Mother-Land and would give work the ole “Ferris
Bueller” and skip over to Fancy’s for some good times of yelling at the
TV-Fancy’s catchphrase: Shut it Ade!, Iceburg, and Golden Girls.
So if I don’t
wake up one day, and you find me on my big girl bed smothered by stuffed
animals and lisa frank paraphernalia, just know: I have an forgotten toy
complex. And they hated me too.
Oh GW...come over to Fancy's! We could veg in front of the TV with a big milkshake from Zips and I will repeatedly tell Ade to SHUT IT! I will even make you some SMORES treats and salsa chicken...your two favorites my little pet! I will even write FANCY on the bottom of your shoe, so you don't have to belong to ANDY.
ReplyDeleteANDY is a little cheating bugger. And you know the way to my stomach!!!!!!! Through my big fat mouth!!!!!
DeleteOh, and I forgot to mention, but I'd really like you to fro my hair the way yours is. It could be an interesting look for me. I heart you and your itty-bitty-titties...
ReplyDelete