THE NUB CLUB!

Two summers ago, Whiskey was in a horse riding accident and lost half of her right thumb.  It was traumatic not being able to curl or straighten her hair.  We'll refer to that as the summer of frizz. Word spread fast that Whiskey Jr. #2 actually DIED, instead of the death of Whiskey's thumb.  Her first Sunday back to church after the accident, people were asking her if her son was okay.  She had to explain that it was her THUMB not her SON that was lost.

**Side Note--we live in a mountain community where the IQ is at an all-time low.  Thus the nipples are considered pillars in the community.

After the first church service, an older gentleman approached Whiskey and was asking about her thumb.  He then proceeded to show her his own missing finger and informed her that she now belonged to an elite club among the older men in church called the Nub Club.

**Side Note this gentleman's wife looks EXACTLY like a who from Whoville.  In fact, they asked her to play Cindy Lou Who's grandma at our church Christmas party.  

 Immediately after that, in the second service of church, Whiskey found herself sitting next to an older woman, whom we call P. Diddy.

**Side Note--Now P. Diddy has crazy, bright, frizzy, unnatural red hair.  She is an absolutely and utterly INSANE old-ass lady.

P. Diddy also started asking Whiskey about her thumb, at which point she took her shoe off and showed Whiskey a toe that had been cut off and sewn back on.   Whiskey was totally creeped out.  The image of the creepy toe is forever burned into her memory as is the thought of belonging to an old man's nub club.

**Side Note--that same summer, Tassels was planting a twig in her backyard.  She tripped over the shovel and broke her arm, which required surgery and the placement of a rod.  Poor Tassels.  Poor, poor Tassels.  How is it to fly Tassels?  Do they have to do a body scope with their little medal detector?  I hope that no cavity search is involved.