Awkward Encounters With Hillbilly Stick

While I'm on the subject of the Bill-ster, I thought I would just give a rundown of all the freakishly awkward encounters that occurred while I was in the disgusting desert.


Awkward Encounter #1
UB--Yes, Uncle Billy, keep up with me, walked by me, as I sat on the couch, and gently caressed my delicate, but firm cheeks with the back of his hairy hands. 
Actually, this is more like encounter #100, but due to the aromas of the moonshine, I can no longer recall the first 99.

Awkward Encounter #2
After attending a memorial service held at the residence of my in-laws, Uncle Billy tried to grab my boob.  He walked up, with hands ready to grab, and I quickly slunk away.  YIKES....WHO DOES THAT?  Black swan, BLACK effing SWAN!

Awkward Encounter #3
At the birthday party of Fancy Jr, I had purchased ice.  UB came up behind me and stuck a piece of ice down my shirt.  He proceeded to move the ice all around my back.  I felt like I was in some sort of raunchy, disturbing, dirty 70's porno.  He even moved my bra strap to get my back nice and wet...I squirmed like crazy trying to get him to stop.  

Awkward Encounter #4
While attending the funeral services for my mother in law, UB put his arm around me (right in front of his wife, YES, he is married) to try to "comfort" me during the services.  Should I mention now that I wasn't very close to my mother in law, and that I wasn't too broken up at the funeral?  I didn't need extra comforting.

Awkward Encounter #5
When UB learned that I was planning to divorce his nephew, he came into the bedroom where we were staying, when Big Papa had run out to get some breakfast.  I was in a robe and had a towel on my head, having just gotten out of the shower.  He cornered me and told me to not go through with it, and said that the men in their family have issues.  He tried to hug me and offer me support. I can guarantee you, the only thing I needed was to get away from UB and his yucky house!

Awkward Encounter #6
One morning, I was sitting on the couch.  The Bill-meister came and sat beside me...although this wasn't necessarily beside me.  It was more like right next to me...so close that our bodies were nearly touching.  I started to kind of move over, to provide more distance between us, as it was just really uncomfortable for me.  The next thing I know, UB's arms are coming at me, and he is grabbing me and trying to pull me onto his lap.  Uh, last time I checked I am not your daughter, your wife, or petite for that matter.  I kinda pushed him away and then quickly stood up.  I cannot BELIEVE the brass balls of this man....

Finally, the awkward encounters grew less and less...oh wait, that's only because I LEFT THE STATE.  I even suggested that BP never leave me alone with UB, ever.  The thought even crossed my mind that I may just have to take one for the team and shower with BP, to make sure I was never alone with the Bill-ster!!!

This stance is SUCH a turn on...HOLD ME BACK...I love his lack of ass, too....

Someone hold me back...I may need to be tapped by this man...and for those who know what Fancy Jr looks like, if you DARE think it's funny to mention or go to a place where you claim FJ looks like UB, I think I might personally cut you out of my life, forever!