Whiskey when un-opened gets better with age just like Wine. Thought I would point that out since this next post is all about my latest and greatest in life. I'm kind of like a fine wine...just saying.
I think the latest everyone knew is that Tassles moved, Fancy and I were running wild and I was knocked up. Well Fancy finally left me too. She felt that being newly divorced called for a move to a little town. Full of gas stations, subway, a new job with slow kids and my people...the Hispangles.
***SIDE NOTE: Hispangles are Hispanics in america.
Tassles leaving was a blow but having Fancy leave too was devastating. I was like the last of the Mohicans. They were leaving me to be fed to the wolves.
***SIDE NOTE: The wolves include Bushy, CAB, 7up, Babe and there are so many more crazy people that we probably have even mentioned yet.
I recovered by giving birth to another Whiskey Jr., and buying a new SUV. I also moved into Fancy's old place. I missed her so much that I left everything as she left it ginger snaps and all. Just kidding I painted, re-carpeted and put tile in the kitchen. The place has officially been Whiskey Tangoed.
After moving in to our new place and a series of events, we felt that some paranormal activity was at hand. One night while friends were over, one of them unintentionally brought with them a uninvited guest that scared the living crap out of myself and my sperm donor. It was literally one of the most terrifying experiences ever. Because it was uninvited we offered it a big gulp of holy water and it decided we were its type.
Fancy and I weren't speaking did I mention this...that's right sometimes the nipples gets something called, "ENGORGEMENT." But after a little tlc we were the breast of friends again.
In fact we had a conference call with Tassels the other day. Reunited and it felt do good. We laughed and laughed at one another's stories. Fancy and I explained to Tassles that straight men don't say the word honk when they grab your boob and that she should go on a date with a man we call sexy rexy, not to be confused with sexy zecksy...he is still alive by the way. I know this bc I saw him at Costco..and he winked at me. I think he winked I couldn't really see bc his gold chain around his neck was blinding me.
I have so many more stories but alas I have to go grocery shopping...stay tuned for episode two.
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