Destroyer of Bathrooms

Tonight while out on the town, IBS hit a certain nipple.
**Side note this certain nipple hadn't taken a dump all day and had eaten McDonald's, Mexican, and Greek food.  That's a recipe for disaster.
This nipple tried to hold it in as long as she could, until goosebumps started forming down the back of her arms.  All the nipples knew at that point, she had to find a bathroom before she farted in the car and gassed them all, like the Holocaust victims in Auschwitz.  They rapidly sped off like a bat out of hell.  Thankfully for IBS nipple, there was a gas station nearby.  The nipple with butt-cheeks clenched, delicately walked into the gas station and back to the bathroom, thankful a key was not required.

While on the pot, one of the nipples sent a text stating to at least buy gum for destroying the restroom. Just like when the nipple on the pot was getting comfortable, there was a jiggle of the bathroom doorknob and a knock on the door.  The shitter on the pot got a little nervous, and waited in hopes that the prowler would realize that the bathroom was occupied.  However, knocking came again, and the nipple on the pot stated a nervous, "yes".  She was relieved to hear giggling outside the door.  It was just one of the jack ass nipples playing a really rude joke on IBS nipple.
***Side note after knocking on the  door and not getting a reply for at least ten seconds I thought I was going to die...best joke I've played in a long time!

After that jack ass nipple went out to the car, she told the other jack ass nipple to come in and do the same thing: so immature!  Jack ass nipple number two was intercepted by the IBS nipple, right outside the door.  IBS nipple looked at Jack ass nipple #2 and stated, "Do not go in there!" 

They quickly walked away from the bathroom and over to the candy isle where they grabbed a box of junior mints.  When the cashier was ringing them up, they had the following dialogue:

Cashier: "It looks like we're going to have a white St. Patrick's Day."
Both Nipples:  "Yep, it sure does."
IBS Nipple: "Well we probably won't.  We're from Florida, so we will avoid that."
Cashier: "Florida, huh?  Well you have to worry about hurricanes."
Jack Ass Nipple #2: "Yeah, and gators."
Cashier: "Oh yes, gators, too."
IBS Nipple: "I don't need a receipt, thanks."  "Come on honey, let's go.  Kiss me right here!"
Jack Ass Nipple #2: "hehehehehehehehehehehe"

Once in the car, IBS Nipple turned to Jack ass nipples #1 & #2, and said I have to tell you something, but you're sworn to never reveal my identity if we blog about it.  She made them pinky swear, like they were in first grade.  Jack ass nipples #1 & #2 swore an oath not to disclose it.  IBS Nipple proceeded to tell them that she exploded like a can of cheese on a hot summer's day all over the back of the toilet.  At first, she tried to tell herself that it was there when she sat down.  However, it matched the crap in the back of her underwear and in the toilet, so she knew it was hers.  Jack ass nipple #1 asked if she had wiped it down to which IBS nipple stated that she didn't, that she was in too big of a hurry to get the Jass out, and the thought hadn't crossed her mind.

Moral of the story:  Don't eat McDonald's, Mexican food and Greek food all in the same day.