For the last week, I’ve noticed an unusual odor coming from
Fancy, which means A) She has a yeast infection or B) She’s in heat again….
**Side Note—I’d be lying if I actually said this happened in
the last week. This has been ongoing
since she stopped having sex! Maybe she
needs to clean her toys.
I don’t even know where to start. Let’s begin with a few direct quotes from
Fancy.
“I pulled my pants down, and I sat on the toilet, and I got
a waft of my crotch. OMG, I think I
should shower.”
“I’m so wet, I feel like I just peed my pants.”
“OMG I can totally smell myself just sitting here.”
“Um, you may want to febreze your car seat because I think I
juiced on your seat.”
Dirty Twirls #1
So we’re at the mall, at the food court, eating Cinnabon,
and Fancy looks over at me and says, “I have a lesbian fantasy,” while staring
at me eerily. I didn’t know what to do,
so I just kept eating, and I avoided eye contact. All the while, I could smell her horny scent
wafting its way masking the delicious smell of my cinnabon.
Dirty Twirls #2
I’m eating dinner with my family, when I realize that I have
missed phone calls, unanswered text messages, and then Fancy calling my own
husband. I answer my husband’s phone, to
hear the sound of a shower in the background, a high pitched giggle, and
gibberish. After 5 minutes of non-stop
giggling, I finally translated: Big Papa. Sex. My Bed. So “apparently” the story goes something like
this….Fancy went to climb in the shower, but realized she didn’t have a towel. She ran down the hall, naked. She reached for a towel, when she realized
Big Papa was checking out her goods.
Fancy, feeling awkward, wrapped the towel around herself. Big Papa solicited her for some loving, and
she said, you realize we’re getting divorced, right? He said, I’m a dude, I can bone you with no
feeling. Fancy booked it into the
bathroom. Before she could get the door
closed, Big Papa shoved his way in, and tried to get her to head to the
bedroom. Fancy kept repeatedly
protesting, and she said, let me shower first.
Finally, after 5 minutes of begging, he left her alone to shower. It was then, that she used her phone a friend
lifeline, and I told her she should go for it. I mean, he is her husband, they
may as well have some amazing break-up sex, right? Fancy claims she didn’t do anything, but her
dusty vagina odor vanished.
Dirty Twirls #3
Did I ever tell you Fancy’s a cougar? While ordering food at Sonic
**Side Note—Yes, we go there every day!
The sweet, innocent, little, car-hop brought us our food,
and he asked if we needed anything else.
From the passenger seat, Fancy chimes “How about a side of tots and a
lap dance. I’m unusually horny today.” All I could do was roll up my window, as I
watched his little skates, skate away.
**Side Note—Fancy was wearing pajamas…with matching Sunday
shoes. The poor kid didn’t stand a
chance.
Dirty Twirls #4
Fancy Takes on Little Papa
During sacrament meeting today, I noticed that Fancy was making eyes at LP. She texted me and said, "Little Papa and I just made eye contact, and we both smiled. I just thought you should know." While reading this, I could hear her dirty twirl giggle...I'm supposed to be thinking about Christ here. Then, without my knowledge, Little Papa was snagged by Fancy to teach in Primary. The two of them exchanged jokes.
**Side Note--They're both own joke laughers...aka UD-ers.
Then, after church, while on the phone with Whiskey, Fancy said, "I know I looked hot today, and I think Little Papa was checking me out."
After that, Fancy came to my house, in her pajamas with no bra. She confronted LP about the come-ons. He said he was so turned on, he had to have his hand over his crotch to conceal his giant boner.
**Side Note--Fancy and LP are practically twins....this little escapade is extremely incestuous.
Dirty Twirls #5...this was not consensual!!!! ~Fancy
ReplyDeleteOkay, so those direct fancy quotes may have been slightly exaggerated, BUT, what woman has never had a bad smelling vag day? Let's be real...they happen to all of us, even the most hygenic among us....it's great to be a woman, isn't it?! Now someone pass me the summer's eve....~Fancy
ReplyDeleteFancy I never lie.... but don't be ashamed every woman gets the dirty twirls and yes vaginas do smell.
ReplyDeleteAs for the concerned creeper..I mean reader LOL Lp and I have a solid marriage ... solid like the boner he has for ME! Hence my giant prego belly with baby #3.
Hey Fancy how was your "getting divorced" sex with BP? He seemed so happy today! hahahaha
Whiskey, you have no idea...no idea....
ReplyDeleteI check out the young buck that washes my car. And yea Fancy, he DOES get it wet for me. I feel a Little Red Corvette joke should go somewhere in there.
ReplyDelete