I want a Gnome...and that doesn't make me a swinger.
Whiskey
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Piggy Back Rides with Jesus
If you thought that Whiskey was a Witch Doctor before, she pulled some of her voo doo on me, and it left me with a crazy dream.
I dreamed that I met up with Jesus. Since Jesus is my brother, he gave me a big hug, and then in our casual, playful relationship, I hopped on his back piggy back style. I was in my modest swimwear, and I was skinny, as I'm skinny in ALL my dreams. This, however, was real. Jesus and I are so tight, I didn't even think twice about hopping on his back.
Btw, this was a spiritual experience, but it was really funny at the thought of having Jesus give me a piggy back ride.
~Fancy
I dreamed that I met up with Jesus. Since Jesus is my brother, he gave me a big hug, and then in our casual, playful relationship, I hopped on his back piggy back style. I was in my modest swimwear, and I was skinny, as I'm skinny in ALL my dreams. This, however, was real. Jesus and I are so tight, I didn't even think twice about hopping on his back.
Btw, this was a spiritual experience, but it was really funny at the thought of having Jesus give me a piggy back ride.
~Fancy
The Tall Tales of Paul Bunyan Saga #2
Paul Bunyan verses Hue Jass
One night Fancy and Whiskey were sitting on Fancy's couch posing as Hue Jass. We commented on Babe's facebook wall and said, "Hey Babe, when are you leaving Paul for me?" Paul commented, calling out Whiskey and Whiskey only, about how inappropriate he thought the comment was.
**Side Note, is it just me or is he overly-sensitive? Could it be that because he cheated on his wife, he has insecurity issues with the fact that she, the bread winner and way more accomplished one in the marriage, might up and leave him with NOTHING?
Whiskey sent Babe a text message because she didn't have Paul's number, to clarify that a) it was a joke b) there were two people involved, and no need to call whiskey out, especially when we asked Babe not to reveal our identities c) Paul Bunyan is insecure and a huge over-reactor d) Babe could have freaking deleted the comment if she thought that her husband would be offended e) Babe could have just unfriended Hue Jass or even option f) send "Hue Jass" a message saying she thought that was inappropriate. Unfortunately, Babe did NONE of these options, and therefore, Whiskey had to receive the brunt of Paul Bunyan's unnecessary crazy-ass-ness.
Babe replied that she didn't want to get involved, and then Paul got on Babe's phone and told Whiskey that it didn't matter who said it, it was still inappropriate. Whiskey apologized and thought the entire situation was over.
A few weeks later, Babe made it clear to Fancy that Paul Bunyan, for whatever reason, doesn't like Whiskey, and she knows that Whiskey doesn't really like Paul Bunyan, even though Whiskey never even admitted that, well to the Bunyan's anyway. Babe knew full well that Fancy and Whiskey are like Peanut and Jelly on a sandwich, and that Fancy would tell Whiskey, and that is the reason that she even told Fancy. She wanted to make sure that Whiskey knew the truth, that Paul doesn't care for Whiskey.
That same week, Paul Bunyan, who just couldn't let it rest, went Home Teaching to Little Papa and had to bring it up, yet again, and the fact that he felt like Whiskey was ignoring him. How high school is this, really?! Little Papa, being the peacemaker that he is, tried to let PB know that they were full aware that Paul doesn't like Whiskey, and that Whiskey has the right to be upset with some things that Paul has done in relation to their little whiskey children. Paul Bunyan again, being insecure, took it as Whiskey thinking he is horrible with all children, when in fact, she just didn't appreciate his over bearing nature with hers.
**Side Note--Paul Bunyan, the creepy stay at home dad, thinks he is God's gift to child rearing.
Long Story Short, Paul Bunyan and Babe came after Whiskey (and her unborn baby, Whiskey Jr #1) and wouldn't let up. Neither can accept any small amount of criticism, even when they ask Whiskey directly why she is upset. Because of this, Whiskey made the wise decision, and that she's a big girl and doesn't need their friendship.
Whiskey had to end their friendship, but really, if you can't handle a little criticism in friendship, we're not really friends anyway.
One night Fancy and Whiskey were sitting on Fancy's couch posing as Hue Jass. We commented on Babe's facebook wall and said, "Hey Babe, when are you leaving Paul for me?" Paul commented, calling out Whiskey and Whiskey only, about how inappropriate he thought the comment was.
**Side Note, is it just me or is he overly-sensitive? Could it be that because he cheated on his wife, he has insecurity issues with the fact that she, the bread winner and way more accomplished one in the marriage, might up and leave him with NOTHING?
Whiskey sent Babe a text message because she didn't have Paul's number, to clarify that a) it was a joke b) there were two people involved, and no need to call whiskey out, especially when we asked Babe not to reveal our identities c) Paul Bunyan is insecure and a huge over-reactor d) Babe could have freaking deleted the comment if she thought that her husband would be offended e) Babe could have just unfriended Hue Jass or even option f) send "Hue Jass" a message saying she thought that was inappropriate. Unfortunately, Babe did NONE of these options, and therefore, Whiskey had to receive the brunt of Paul Bunyan's unnecessary crazy-ass-ness.
Babe replied that she didn't want to get involved, and then Paul got on Babe's phone and told Whiskey that it didn't matter who said it, it was still inappropriate. Whiskey apologized and thought the entire situation was over.
A few weeks later, Babe made it clear to Fancy that Paul Bunyan, for whatever reason, doesn't like Whiskey, and she knows that Whiskey doesn't really like Paul Bunyan, even though Whiskey never even admitted that, well to the Bunyan's anyway. Babe knew full well that Fancy and Whiskey are like Peanut and Jelly on a sandwich, and that Fancy would tell Whiskey, and that is the reason that she even told Fancy. She wanted to make sure that Whiskey knew the truth, that Paul doesn't care for Whiskey.
That same week, Paul Bunyan, who just couldn't let it rest, went Home Teaching to Little Papa and had to bring it up, yet again, and the fact that he felt like Whiskey was ignoring him. How high school is this, really?! Little Papa, being the peacemaker that he is, tried to let PB know that they were full aware that Paul doesn't like Whiskey, and that Whiskey has the right to be upset with some things that Paul has done in relation to their little whiskey children. Paul Bunyan again, being insecure, took it as Whiskey thinking he is horrible with all children, when in fact, she just didn't appreciate his over bearing nature with hers.
**Side Note--Paul Bunyan, the creepy stay at home dad, thinks he is God's gift to child rearing.
Long Story Short, Paul Bunyan and Babe came after Whiskey (and her unborn baby, Whiskey Jr #1) and wouldn't let up. Neither can accept any small amount of criticism, even when they ask Whiskey directly why she is upset. Because of this, Whiskey made the wise decision, and that she's a big girl and doesn't need their friendship.
Whiskey had to end their friendship, but really, if you can't handle a little criticism in friendship, we're not really friends anyway.
The Tall Tales of Paul Bunyan
The Back Story of Paul Bunyan
Princess Charming first introduced Tassels to Paul Bunyan and his wife, Babe the Blue Ox. In turn, Tassels introduced Fancy and Whiskey to Babe, and eventually to Paul Bunyan. Basically I am pissed at Princess and Charming and Tassels for making us acquainted with Paul and Babe.
Past Incident #1
At a farewell BBQ for Princess Charming, hosted at the Bunyan's home, Paul came running in with a screaming PB Jr #1 shouting for Babe to grab some ice quick. He rushed to the freezer, grabbed a bag of frozen vegetables slammed them right into the floor with all of his might, and shouted, "(child's name, as Whiskey and Tassel's have a child with the same name) pushed PB Jr #1 into the street and he cracked his head open!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
**Side Note, this was said with volume, panic, and enthusiasm!
Whiskey, Tassels, and Princess Charming jumped up to investigate which of their children had actually brutally assaulted PB Jr #1.
Babe rushed to Paul's side, telling him that he needed to calm down. Little PB Jr #1 was the injured one, and yet Paul Bunyan was the one getting all the attention because he was so worked up.
Little Papa, Whiskey's husband, happened to be outside and witnessed the whole thing. When Whiskey and the others arrived outside, he informed them that it was in fact Whiskey Jr. #2 who committed the crime. The real story went something like this...PB Jr #1 and Whiskey Jr #2 were running, when PB Jr #1 stopped, and Whiskey Jr. #2 didn't, resulted in the accidental, gentle bumping down of PB Jr. #1. A tiny goose egg, the size of a freckle was the only evidence (aside from PB's meltdown) that an incident had even occurred.
**Side Note--when this started going down, Fancy slunk away to the basement and began cleaning up the toy room and putting the foam alphabet puzzle back together because she knew that if they flipped out over an accidental knock down, then they may not appreciate a messy toy room. Plus, Fancy doesn't like confrontation and Paul Bunyan made the entire atmosphere effing awkward!!
Once the environment settled down, Little Papa pulled Paul aside and let him know that he lost it, and that made the situation out of control. Had he remained calm, then it wouldn't have been so out of control. He told him it was an accident, which is clearly what it was when two year old children are involved.
Princess Charming first introduced Tassels to Paul Bunyan and his wife, Babe the Blue Ox. In turn, Tassels introduced Fancy and Whiskey to Babe, and eventually to Paul Bunyan. Basically I am pissed at Princess and Charming and Tassels for making us acquainted with Paul and Babe.
Past Incident #1
At a farewell BBQ for Princess Charming, hosted at the Bunyan's home, Paul came running in with a screaming PB Jr #1 shouting for Babe to grab some ice quick. He rushed to the freezer, grabbed a bag of frozen vegetables slammed them right into the floor with all of his might, and shouted, "(child's name, as Whiskey and Tassel's have a child with the same name) pushed PB Jr #1 into the street and he cracked his head open!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
**Side Note, this was said with volume, panic, and enthusiasm!
Whiskey, Tassels, and Princess Charming jumped up to investigate which of their children had actually brutally assaulted PB Jr #1.
Babe rushed to Paul's side, telling him that he needed to calm down. Little PB Jr #1 was the injured one, and yet Paul Bunyan was the one getting all the attention because he was so worked up.
Little Papa, Whiskey's husband, happened to be outside and witnessed the whole thing. When Whiskey and the others arrived outside, he informed them that it was in fact Whiskey Jr. #2 who committed the crime. The real story went something like this...PB Jr #1 and Whiskey Jr #2 were running, when PB Jr #1 stopped, and Whiskey Jr. #2 didn't, resulted in the accidental, gentle bumping down of PB Jr. #1. A tiny goose egg, the size of a freckle was the only evidence (aside from PB's meltdown) that an incident had even occurred.
**Side Note--when this started going down, Fancy slunk away to the basement and began cleaning up the toy room and putting the foam alphabet puzzle back together because she knew that if they flipped out over an accidental knock down, then they may not appreciate a messy toy room. Plus, Fancy doesn't like confrontation and Paul Bunyan made the entire atmosphere effing awkward!!
Once the environment settled down, Little Papa pulled Paul aside and let him know that he lost it, and that made the situation out of control. Had he remained calm, then it wouldn't have been so out of control. He told him it was an accident, which is clearly what it was when two year old children are involved.
Princ"ess" Charming
Tassels and her Prince Charming have a lengthy history. They met on Tassel's first day of college, but their relationship turned into marriage 6 years later, in 2006...yeah, what takes someone 6 years to tie the knot? RED FLAG!
In 2006, Tassels' Prince finally married her in her Castle of Dreams, aka The Salt Lake Temple. Fast Forward to February 2011, 1.5 children later, when Prince Charming outed himself as the princess he knew he always was. He was finally exploring his princess roots, he finally came to the conclusion that he wanted his own Prince Charming. Poor, poor Tassels. Poor, poor, poor PREGNANT Tassels.
Despite the sadness and heartache, this event is actually what brought the nipples together in a BIG way, and bound us together as forever friends.
The outing of Tassel's husband separated the nipples, and Tassels was forced to move back to the land of Mother Milk. Despite the distance, the nipples are still stronger than ever, and they have a special bond that they will probably not find again with others...especially since they've seen each others boobies.
In 2006, Tassels' Prince finally married her in her Castle of Dreams, aka The Salt Lake Temple. Fast Forward to February 2011, 1.5 children later, when Prince Charming outed himself as the princess he knew he always was. He was finally exploring his princess roots, he finally came to the conclusion that he wanted his own Prince Charming. Poor, poor Tassels. Poor, poor, poor PREGNANT Tassels.
Despite the sadness and heartache, this event is actually what brought the nipples together in a BIG way, and bound us together as forever friends.
The outing of Tassel's husband separated the nipples, and Tassels was forced to move back to the land of Mother Milk. Despite the distance, the nipples are still stronger than ever, and they have a special bond that they will probably not find again with others...especially since they've seen each others boobies.
I'm Too Nice
As much as I bitch and moan about BAJ, guess who got asked to do a favor for her today? That's right, ME! The favor involves picking her son up from school. My reasoning is that kids are innocent, so it isn't his fault his mom is a crazy person. Oh, and it gave me the opportunity to ask about her move, and she is moving in 3 weeks. I think I might need to host a party AFTER she leaves to celebrate.
My Strange Addiction
For days, Fancy had been telling Whiskey about this nasty preview she saw about a show called My Strange Addiction where a lady actually eats her dead husband's ashes. Whiskey told Fancy to DVR the show, so we could watch it together because Whiskey is screwed in the head.
Fancy couldn't wait, she had to preview it before Whiskey came over. Mainly it's because Fancy's sister was in town, and she wanted to watch it. So over a bowl of Lucky Charms, Fancy began watching with her sister. Before even getting through three minutes, her stomach started churning, and she had to shut it off. She knew that she wouldn't be able to make it through, especially while eating.
Later in that week, Whiskey came over, and it was finally My Strange Addiction time.
**Side note--Fancy, knew well enough, that she should have been prepared with a barf bucket prior to starting the episode.
As the episode began, it showed the lady licking her finger, then dipping it into her husband's ashes, licking and sucking her finger like she's consuming some of the Colonel's finger-licking-goodness.
**Side note--even as we type this, Fancy is feeling queasy and uneasy. This experience was very traumatic for her.
The chick's husband had been dead for only a few months, and the lady had already lost close to 50 lbs because all she ate were the ashes. She would make food all the time; all of her husband's favorites and then let them spoil because he wasn't there to eat it. The box of ashes originally started around six pounds, but within the short time frame, the lady had consumed about 1.5 pounds.
Whiskey, the bitch, laughed through the entire episode and kept mimicking the licking and sucking of her finger, as if dipping it in creepy-ass ashes.
**Side Note--the nipples have a stalker named 7-Up Retro, who has a child named Light Switch. One day, while Whiskey was at their house, LS pulled out the ashes of his mom's dead, childhood dog. Whiskey took a picture and sent it to Fancy. She then had to inquire if 7-Up Retro ate any of the ashes.
**Side Note--Fancy wants to puke RIGHT NOW!
To sum up the results of this episode, Fancy was dry-heaving and almost had to plug her ears and shut her eyes, while trying to locate her happy place. Whiskey, not traumatized at all, occasionally still taunts Fancy, especially anytime they pass a KFC.
Fancy couldn't wait, she had to preview it before Whiskey came over. Mainly it's because Fancy's sister was in town, and she wanted to watch it. So over a bowl of Lucky Charms, Fancy began watching with her sister. Before even getting through three minutes, her stomach started churning, and she had to shut it off. She knew that she wouldn't be able to make it through, especially while eating.
Later in that week, Whiskey came over, and it was finally My Strange Addiction time.
**Side note--Fancy, knew well enough, that she should have been prepared with a barf bucket prior to starting the episode.
As the episode began, it showed the lady licking her finger, then dipping it into her husband's ashes, licking and sucking her finger like she's consuming some of the Colonel's finger-licking-goodness.
**Side note--even as we type this, Fancy is feeling queasy and uneasy. This experience was very traumatic for her.
The chick's husband had been dead for only a few months, and the lady had already lost close to 50 lbs because all she ate were the ashes. She would make food all the time; all of her husband's favorites and then let them spoil because he wasn't there to eat it. The box of ashes originally started around six pounds, but within the short time frame, the lady had consumed about 1.5 pounds.
Whiskey, the bitch, laughed through the entire episode and kept mimicking the licking and sucking of her finger, as if dipping it in creepy-ass ashes.
**Side Note--the nipples have a stalker named 7-Up Retro, who has a child named Light Switch. One day, while Whiskey was at their house, LS pulled out the ashes of his mom's dead, childhood dog. Whiskey took a picture and sent it to Fancy. She then had to inquire if 7-Up Retro ate any of the ashes.
**Side Note--Fancy wants to puke RIGHT NOW!
To sum up the results of this episode, Fancy was dry-heaving and almost had to plug her ears and shut her eyes, while trying to locate her happy place. Whiskey, not traumatized at all, occasionally still taunts Fancy, especially anytime they pass a KFC.
Not To Be Outdone By Whiskey...
I set an appointment with Dr. Jeong, so he could be all up in my business, too. I haven't been felt up in a while, so I figured what better person to do the deed than a gyney......I wonder if he will offer to buy me lunch after he gets all up in my goods though. I sure hope so, or I might feel a tad bit cheapened.
I also avoid going to the doctor whenever possible, which is why I haven't had an annual exam in I'd say oh, 5 years!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope because of lack of sex he doesn't have to dust out any cobwebs or anything to get a proper look up the old poon tang....
I also avoid going to the doctor whenever possible, which is why I haven't had an annual exam in I'd say oh, 5 years!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope because of lack of sex he doesn't have to dust out any cobwebs or anything to get a proper look up the old poon tang....
Sunday, February 26, 2012
I Want to Castrate Someone...
Have you ever felt that way? I feel that way tonight. I am so damn sick and tired of the charade of fakeness that sleeps across the hall from me. I literally want to take the sharpest (really, the dullest would be more painful) knife I can find and cut off his testicles and feed them to my peacock! Either that, or I want to take a baseball bat and hit him square on in the crotch. I HATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is so embarrassing. He is a liar, a betrayer of trusts, and a terrible person. I cannot believe someone would treat another person in the manner in which he has treated me. I cannot believe that he would have the balls to keep this charade up just to appease me. Does he think I'm really stupid? I honestly don't know if I can ever trust another man again after this. I really don't think it'll be happening anytime soon. I'm too pissed off to even care!
I'm at Church
I'm currently blogging from church. Bushy and her family are singing, and I want to throw something at them. On a bright note, BAJ and her family are moving. I learned it from my early meeting. Now, to get Bushy to move.... ~Fancy
Whiskey here ...I am also at church. Im actually sitting in front of fancy. I agree I wanted to throw my shoe at bushy lol! Hopefully nailing her right between the eyes. Seriously its 2012...the 90s want there hair and ugly dress back!
On a happy note I am sooo excited Baj is leaving...I can't look at that giant butt any more! Its seriously disturbing! Not as disturbing as her husband and children of course . Lol!
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Let's Rag on Fancy!
Fancy is quite the popular chick. She seems to be the center of this blog. People are just jealous of my whit and charm not to mention my good looks. I guess I can actually see why. Carry on, carry on.
Adventures of fancy and whiskey
Fancy just made me whiskey sit in her running car....which she parked in a handicapped parking space....I looked like the biggest ass ever! Thanks fancy!
Fancy LOVES her Nipples
Fancy needs to give a shout out to her fellow nipples. She has been having a really crazy, emotional week, but she wants her friends to know how much they mean to her and how much she loves them! I guess I can now speak in first person. So Tassels and Whiskey, I LOVE YOU LADIES! Thanks for being such amazing friends and examples to me. I remember 18 months ago praying for friends, and the Lord sent me two awesome ladies who feel more like my sisters. Thanks for all you do to help me through the crappy times. I hope someday I can return the favor, or really, no, I don't. I hope neither of you has to go through crappy times. Love you both!
Love,
Fancy
Love,
Fancy
Fancy, a Trip to What If Land?
Recently Whiskey had to push Fancy into what if land. It's one of the many adventures of imagination that we like to go on.
*Sidenote--Whiskey started laughing because her name is whiskey. She isn't harsh like Whiskey, but she is there for a good time.
This is how the game works. You start out by saying What If...followed by all kinds of crazy alternate realities. Example: What if you had three boobs? What if you were married to this person? What if you had a penis? Followed by all kinds of scenarios and outcomes based on the question.
Today, during What if Land, Fancy was married to The Brain, but he was a hermaphrodite. She couldn't understand if that made her a lesbian or bi-sexual. At first the room was filled with laughter, and then it got quiet as serious thought was involved. What if he really was a herme? What if he's keeping secrets after all these years? Is that why he looks 12? Is that the secret behind his fountain of youth look? What if he was Don Quixtoe in that sexy Spanish armor, with water pouring over him like a modern day fireman? What if he wasn't even really married, and he was lying about all of this divorce stuff? What if he needs our help? What if he was secretly making a life-sized gingerbread lady that looked just like Fancy? What if he secretly has a teeny, tiny wiener? What if he's really all about the persuasion?
Scenario 2 of What If Land...What if Whiskey went ape-shit on all the people that have recently wronged her? Would anyone survive the wrath or would it be like the apocalypse?
Scenario 3...What if Tassles was a Persuasion? Her boobies would be really big for an Asian! She is short enough and her feet are tiny, I think she could pull it off. Plus, she does like to frequent nail shops, and I hear her Vietnamese is coming along.
Scneario 4...What if Fancy never finds a job? What if Fancy never moves out of her parent's house? What if Fancy becomes a crazy, cat-lady, spinster librarian? What if Fancy never sees a real wiener again? What if Fancy never gets over being pathetic? What would happen if Fancy ended up like Zooey with a long-ass pinky nail where she strokes her nails across someone's brand new baby?
Scenario 5...What if Whiskey ends up like Dian with crazy "just had sex hair" and those sexy little, scrawny, 80-year old chicken legs? Oh wait, that is a reality, and one that she could pull off!
What If Land is the best alternate reality you can have. Especially when your own reality bites. It's always more fun to go there with a friend because they can snap your ass back to reality! If you could go to What If Land, what would you What If?
*Sidenote--Whiskey started laughing because her name is whiskey. She isn't harsh like Whiskey, but she is there for a good time.
This is how the game works. You start out by saying What If...followed by all kinds of crazy alternate realities. Example: What if you had three boobs? What if you were married to this person? What if you had a penis? Followed by all kinds of scenarios and outcomes based on the question.
Today, during What if Land, Fancy was married to The Brain, but he was a hermaphrodite. She couldn't understand if that made her a lesbian or bi-sexual. At first the room was filled with laughter, and then it got quiet as serious thought was involved. What if he really was a herme? What if he's keeping secrets after all these years? Is that why he looks 12? Is that the secret behind his fountain of youth look? What if he was Don Quixtoe in that sexy Spanish armor, with water pouring over him like a modern day fireman? What if he wasn't even really married, and he was lying about all of this divorce stuff? What if he needs our help? What if he was secretly making a life-sized gingerbread lady that looked just like Fancy? What if he secretly has a teeny, tiny wiener? What if he's really all about the persuasion?Scenario 2 of What If Land...What if Whiskey went ape-shit on all the people that have recently wronged her? Would anyone survive the wrath or would it be like the apocalypse?
Scenario 3...What if Tassles was a Persuasion? Her boobies would be really big for an Asian! She is short enough and her feet are tiny, I think she could pull it off. Plus, she does like to frequent nail shops, and I hear her Vietnamese is coming along.
Scneario 4...What if Fancy never finds a job? What if Fancy never moves out of her parent's house? What if Fancy becomes a crazy, cat-lady, spinster librarian? What if Fancy never sees a real wiener again? What if Fancy never gets over being pathetic? What would happen if Fancy ended up like Zooey with a long-ass pinky nail where she strokes her nails across someone's brand new baby?
Scenario 5...What if Whiskey ends up like Dian with crazy "just had sex hair" and those sexy little, scrawny, 80-year old chicken legs? Oh wait, that is a reality, and one that she could pull off!
What If Land is the best alternate reality you can have. Especially when your own reality bites. It's always more fun to go there with a friend because they can snap your ass back to reality! If you could go to What If Land, what would you What If?
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Firm but REAL
A few years ago, while attending a family function, one of my sisters (I have 7) punched me in the boob. She was really shocked because my boob was really firm, so she asked if she could actually touch it. She kept poking it and replying that it was crazy that my boobs were so firm. She pulled me into a nearby bedroom and grabbed another sister to feel me up. I felt like Samantha on 16 candles when the grandparents feel her up and say, "She finally got her boobies." This continued until I'd been felt up by at least half of my sisters.
Recently, while gathered together with the other nipples, I was telling them this story, and I let them feel me up, too. They were surprised as well that I have really firm boobs. I can assure you, they are real! Now it has me curious to know what fake boobs feel like. So if you've got a set of fake ones, please call me. I wanna feel you up!
Recently, while gathered together with the other nipples, I was telling them this story, and I let them feel me up, too. They were surprised as well that I have really firm boobs. I can assure you, they are real! Now it has me curious to know what fake boobs feel like. So if you've got a set of fake ones, please call me. I wanna feel you up!
Whiskey Tango
Whiskey Tango was living up to her name yesterday. She had 1 kid on the pot taking a poo-poo, and her other kid was pissing all over the front porch. It wouldn't have been so bad, but I, Fancy, had to step on said piss to run out to my car. I wonder if I should stop going to the circus over at Whiskey's. EWWWW
Love,
Fancy
Whiskey Here....I told him to pee in the grass....and you totally deserved stepping in his pee since your kid peed on my kid.
Love,
Fancy
Whiskey Here....I told him to pee in the grass....and you totally deserved stepping in his pee since your kid peed on my kid.
Fancy the Blue Monster
Last night Whiskey jr. #2 woke up screaming. I being the great mother that I am didn't jump out of bed to get him but told him to run into my room as fast as he could. After snuggling into the famous "soft blanket" he said he had a nightmare about Fancy being a big blue monster that was trying to tickle him to death.
Wow..was it a nightmare or did it really happen? She is always tickling my poor baby!
-Whiskey
Wow..was it a nightmare or did it really happen? She is always tickling my poor baby!
-Whiskey
PMS SUCKS
I want chocolate and french fries. I also want some super sexy guy to come over and help me out in my bed...the real deal, nothing with batteries! Who invented crazy hormones?
Love,
Fancy
Love,
Fancy
Giant Hue Jass
Hue Jass here! I jump, skipped, and hopped from facebook straight onto the face of one of my beloved nipples. I think I make a pretty good accessory being big, red and full of....I'm a pimple not a penis.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Trapped in the Bathroom
The previous post jaunted a memory from a few months back. One afternoon, the whiskey and fancy kids were having a play date. It became awfully quiet, and we heard a scream. We went running for the back of the house. There in the corner, we saw Whiskey Jr #2 being trapped by Whiskey Jr #1 and Fancy Jr, both with a pair of scissors in hand. Thank goodness, the crisis was averted for the Whiskey children. However, Fancy Jr wasn't quite so lucky. A few days later he whacked his hair, the damn stinker!
Sword Fighting
Tonight, at a casual dinner get together, Whiskey and Fancy's sons were in the bathroom playing hide n seek. Suddenly, the door sprung open, and Whiskey's son came out looking like he'd just been hand raped.
**Side note--I was once hand raped.
He looked very sad, and he said, "Fancy, Fancy Jr. just peed on me."
Fancy replied, "What? Hey, Fancy Jr. Did you pee on Whiskey Jr #2?"
Fancy Jr. responded with a giggle, "Yes, I peed on him, but he peed on the floor!" Then he laughed and laughed and pranced around the room.
Fancy said: "Sorry Whiskey Jr. #2."
Whiskey Jr. #2: "That's ok, I will wash my shirt."
Maybe Fancy isn't quite fancy after all.
**Side note--I was once hand raped.
He looked very sad, and he said, "Fancy, Fancy Jr. just peed on me."
Fancy replied, "What? Hey, Fancy Jr. Did you pee on Whiskey Jr #2?"
Fancy Jr. responded with a giggle, "Yes, I peed on him, but he peed on the floor!" Then he laughed and laughed and pranced around the room.
Fancy said: "Sorry Whiskey Jr. #2."
Whiskey Jr. #2: "That's ok, I will wash my shirt."
Maybe Fancy isn't quite fancy after all.
1st Appointment With Dr. Jeong
I had my first appointment with Long Duck Dong. When he walked into the room, he said: "Oh sexy girlfriend!" No really, when he walked into the room, I thought he was 12, which wouldn't be too surprising since most 12 year old Asians are vagi I mean geniuses. Fancy came with me because husband was home with a sick child. Everything looked good; the baby is beautiful and healthy. After the ultrasound, Ken Jeong asked me to remove my pants, so he could get up in my goods. I thought his hands would be cold and clammy, but surprisingly they warm and gentle. He moves a little fast for my taste, but I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship together. I'll be seeing the Donger again in two weeks for a pun-tang check up. I can hardly contain my excitement. I love those tiny little Asian hands.
**Side note--I think Fancy was feeling mystified with the persuasion while in the room with me. But again, she hasn't gotten any in a while.
Love,
Whiskey
**Side note--I think Fancy was feeling mystified with the persuasion while in the room with me. But again, she hasn't gotten any in a while.
Love,
Whiskey
Monday, February 20, 2012
Destroyer of Bathrooms
Tonight while out on the town, IBS hit a certain nipple.
**Side note this certain nipple hadn't taken a dump all day and had eaten McDonald's, Mexican, and Greek food. That's a recipe for disaster.
This nipple tried to hold it in as long as she could, until goosebumps started forming down the back of her arms. All the nipples knew at that point, she had to find a bathroom before she farted in the car and gassed them all, like the Holocaust victims in Auschwitz. They rapidly sped off like a bat out of hell. Thankfully for IBS nipple, there was a gas station nearby. The nipple with butt-cheeks clenched, delicately walked into the gas station and back to the bathroom, thankful a key was not required.
While on the pot, one of the nipples sent a text stating to at least buy gum for destroying the restroom. Just like when the nipple on the pot was getting comfortable, there was a jiggle of the bathroom doorknob and a knock on the door. The shitter on the pot got a little nervous, and waited in hopes that the prowler would realize that the bathroom was occupied. However, knocking came again, and the nipple on the pot stated a nervous, "yes". She was relieved to hear giggling outside the door. It was just one of the jack ass nipples playing a really rude joke on IBS nipple.
***Side note after knocking on the door and not getting a reply for at least ten seconds I thought I was going to die...best joke I've played in a long time!
After that jack ass nipple went out to the car, she told the other jack ass nipple to come in and do the same thing: so immature! Jack ass nipple number two was intercepted by the IBS nipple, right outside the door. IBS nipple looked at Jack ass nipple #2 and stated, "Do not go in there!"
They quickly walked away from the bathroom and over to the candy isle where they grabbed a box of junior mints. When the cashier was ringing them up, they had the following dialogue:
Cashier: "It looks like we're going to have a white St. Patrick's Day."
Both Nipples: "Yep, it sure does."
IBS Nipple: "Well we probably won't. We're from Florida, so we will avoid that."
Cashier: "Florida, huh? Well you have to worry about hurricanes."
Jack Ass Nipple #2: "Yeah, and gators."
Cashier: "Oh yes, gators, too."
IBS Nipple: "I don't need a receipt, thanks." "Come on honey, let's go. Kiss me right here!"
Jack Ass Nipple #2: "hehehehehehehehehehehe"
Once in the car, IBS Nipple turned to Jack ass nipples #1 & #2, and said I have to tell you something, but you're sworn to never reveal my identity if we blog about it. She made them pinky swear, like they were in first grade. Jack ass nipples #1 & #2 swore an oath not to disclose it. IBS Nipple proceeded to tell them that she exploded like a can of cheese on a hot summer's day all over the back of the toilet. At first, she tried to tell herself that it was there when she sat down. However, it matched the crap in the back of her underwear and in the toilet, so she knew it was hers. Jack ass nipple #1 asked if she had wiped it down to which IBS nipple stated that she didn't, that she was in too big of a hurry to get the Jass out, and the thought hadn't crossed her mind.
Moral of the story: Don't eat McDonald's, Mexican food and Greek food all in the same day.
**Side note this certain nipple hadn't taken a dump all day and had eaten McDonald's, Mexican, and Greek food. That's a recipe for disaster.
This nipple tried to hold it in as long as she could, until goosebumps started forming down the back of her arms. All the nipples knew at that point, she had to find a bathroom before she farted in the car and gassed them all, like the Holocaust victims in Auschwitz. They rapidly sped off like a bat out of hell. Thankfully for IBS nipple, there was a gas station nearby. The nipple with butt-cheeks clenched, delicately walked into the gas station and back to the bathroom, thankful a key was not required.
While on the pot, one of the nipples sent a text stating to at least buy gum for destroying the restroom. Just like when the nipple on the pot was getting comfortable, there was a jiggle of the bathroom doorknob and a knock on the door. The shitter on the pot got a little nervous, and waited in hopes that the prowler would realize that the bathroom was occupied. However, knocking came again, and the nipple on the pot stated a nervous, "yes". She was relieved to hear giggling outside the door. It was just one of the jack ass nipples playing a really rude joke on IBS nipple.
***Side note after knocking on the door and not getting a reply for at least ten seconds I thought I was going to die...best joke I've played in a long time!
After that jack ass nipple went out to the car, she told the other jack ass nipple to come in and do the same thing: so immature! Jack ass nipple number two was intercepted by the IBS nipple, right outside the door. IBS nipple looked at Jack ass nipple #2 and stated, "Do not go in there!"
They quickly walked away from the bathroom and over to the candy isle where they grabbed a box of junior mints. When the cashier was ringing them up, they had the following dialogue:
Cashier: "It looks like we're going to have a white St. Patrick's Day."
Both Nipples: "Yep, it sure does."
IBS Nipple: "Well we probably won't. We're from Florida, so we will avoid that."
Cashier: "Florida, huh? Well you have to worry about hurricanes."
Jack Ass Nipple #2: "Yeah, and gators."
Cashier: "Oh yes, gators, too."
IBS Nipple: "I don't need a receipt, thanks." "Come on honey, let's go. Kiss me right here!"
Jack Ass Nipple #2: "hehehehehehehehehehehe"
Once in the car, IBS Nipple turned to Jack ass nipples #1 & #2, and said I have to tell you something, but you're sworn to never reveal my identity if we blog about it. She made them pinky swear, like they were in first grade. Jack ass nipples #1 & #2 swore an oath not to disclose it. IBS Nipple proceeded to tell them that she exploded like a can of cheese on a hot summer's day all over the back of the toilet. At first, she tried to tell herself that it was there when she sat down. However, it matched the crap in the back of her underwear and in the toilet, so she knew it was hers. Jack ass nipple #1 asked if she had wiped it down to which IBS nipple stated that she didn't, that she was in too big of a hurry to get the Jass out, and the thought hadn't crossed her mind.
Moral of the story: Don't eat McDonald's, Mexican food and Greek food all in the same day.
Nails 2000
It all began when Whiskey Tango decided we needed to go to Nails 2000. Since she has an Asian doctor, and since she saw him just today, she was feeling under the influence of the persuasion, The Asian Persuasian. Whiskey ordered the delux pedicure, that diva bitch, but really, her feet needed the most help. Whiskey's Persuasian popped her pedicure cherry, with her creepy greasy, bleached orange hair. She was not whiskey's idea of the perfect Persuasian to devirginizer her. She had no sensitivity to her because she placed whiskey's feet in boiling water, cut her toe, then placed her feet in burning hot wax. Whiskey, the ever-aspiring hooch had to follow in Tassel's hoochie mama footsteps, and selected the same color.
Tassels, who had the most recent pedicure of the three of us, still managed to require the most scraping, leaving a pile of skin flakes on her Persuasian's towel. She had to leave to "shake it out" while swearing under breath in Vietnamese. This poor Persuasian was an angel amongst persuasions. Her hands were scrubbed raw when she was finished because of the sandpaper-like effect of Tassel's beasty long leg hairs (JACK PINE SAVAGE) Tassels, ever the hooch selected hooker red with sparkles. I think Tassels needs to get laid.
Fancy, the last to select her nail polish took the leftover Persuasian. Little did she know that she was getting the rude one. I mean, that is her usual luck. This lady went so far as to ask if she owned a pumice stone because Fancy's feet were so damn calloused like her cold ass heart. When she said no, she didn't, the Persuasian told her she needed to. She said everyday she needed to use it, and she would have softer feet. A little while later, fancy's Persuasian brought out the little flip flops. They were a one size fits small. Fancy thought it was her persuasian's first time placing the flip flops on someone as she couldn't even get it on her. Whiskey and Tassels were dying and texting back and forth about Fancy's big man feet. Eventually the Persuasian figured out how to place the flip flop appropriately. Fancy, ever the classy and fanciful one, went out on her own and selected purple polish.
As we drove away, Tassels asked Whiskey if it was worth the $40 for her extra special pedi. Whiskey's response was, "it wasn't bad.". So thanks persuasian's for burning our skin, cutting our toes and tearing down our self-esteems.
Tassels, who had the most recent pedicure of the three of us, still managed to require the most scraping, leaving a pile of skin flakes on her Persuasian's towel. She had to leave to "shake it out" while swearing under breath in Vietnamese. This poor Persuasian was an angel amongst persuasions. Her hands were scrubbed raw when she was finished because of the sandpaper-like effect of Tassel's beasty long leg hairs (JACK PINE SAVAGE) Tassels, ever the hooch selected hooker red with sparkles. I think Tassels needs to get laid.
Fancy, the last to select her nail polish took the leftover Persuasian. Little did she know that she was getting the rude one. I mean, that is her usual luck. This lady went so far as to ask if she owned a pumice stone because Fancy's feet were so damn calloused like her cold ass heart. When she said no, she didn't, the Persuasian told her she needed to. She said everyday she needed to use it, and she would have softer feet. A little while later, fancy's Persuasian brought out the little flip flops. They were a one size fits small. Fancy thought it was her persuasian's first time placing the flip flops on someone as she couldn't even get it on her. Whiskey and Tassels were dying and texting back and forth about Fancy's big man feet. Eventually the Persuasian figured out how to place the flip flop appropriately. Fancy, ever the classy and fanciful one, went out on her own and selected purple polish.
As we drove away, Tassels asked Whiskey if it was worth the $40 for her extra special pedi. Whiskey's response was, "it wasn't bad.". So thanks persuasian's for burning our skin, cutting our toes and tearing down our self-esteems.
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| Tassel's persuasion just left to put her shavings outside on the sidewalk. Meanwhile Tassels did her best imitation..squints and all. |
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| Are we having fun? Whiskey sure isn't. Her feet are in boiling hot water! But then there's Fancy...she sure does look fancy. |
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| Tiny shoes...this picture doesn't show her toes hanging over the edge on the other side. It was squeezing one of the evil step sisters into Cinderella's slippers. |
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| Look at those hairy legs...those belong to a Jack Pine Savage |
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| TOE BONERS |
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| Fancy's so conceited, she included both of her feet. Guess who has the creepy, long toe-boner toes? First person to guess right gets a picture of fancy's milky whites...please include your email address! No anonymous comments, please. |
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Bushy the Bitch
I forgot to mention the most crucial part of my dislike for Bushy M. Once, during choir practice, there was a little girl in the hallway. She was making this screeching sound, and it didn't sound like a human. My current (not for long) husband made a comment that it sounded like a cat. Bushy chimes in saying that it's a little girl. That if we chose to have more kids, we'd obviously have a girl, and we'd know that they can be screechy sometimes. I honestly wanted to throw a pipe wrench across the room at her head. What the hell, bitch? Just because you popped out 6 very annoying, and I mean that with all sincerity, ANNOYING, KNOW-IT-ALL children who repulse you with the stench of HOLIER THAN THOU, doesn't mean you have the right to tell me or judge me for not having kids...Uh, it's time to just egg that whore's house. I would love to beat the living shit out of her with my bare hands.
In My Defense...
I didn't recline the chair, Tassels did, and Whiskey ripped my boob right out of my bra! Then they proceeded to put THEIR nipples in my face. It was almost as violating as the time that I was hand raped. So horrible. I wish the thoughts would leave, but I can't sleep because skittles are falling from the sky. I need help AND weiner!
**Sidenote-- I was once hand raped.
**Sidenote-- I was once hand raped.
Applebee's Nipple Reunion
Since the nipples were all together, it is time to unveil the faces behind the boobies. They got together for a little grub at Applebee's because, well it was after 11 p.m., and that was the only place really open, aside from Denny's. Who wants to go there anyway?
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| Fancy, Whiskey and Tassles Tango. Thanks Whiskey for the hooker lipstick! |
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| Whiskey being a bad influence and painting Tassles finger nails black. Have fun meeting L. Tom Perry tomorrow! |
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| Tassles after one glass of....water! This is what ice does to her. |
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| Right after the waitress walked up on Fancy deep throating a cheese wiener!!! So awkward! |
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| Whiskey's the wild one |
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| Eating a cheese wiener! Yumo! |
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| We never realized how big Whiskey's mouth was. Bring on the cheese wieners! |
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| Whiskey ...just being Whiskey |
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| Conceited Fancy had to post this picture of her self. |
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| Tassles always stealing the spot light! |
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| So damn conceited ...you would to after just having a baby |
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| Two glasses of water later! |
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| Fancy lying to Whiskey and taking a picture of the creeper behind us...she needs to get laid. |
Colors of the nipple rainbow
Today we took a vote and decided that since we call ourselves The Triple Nipple, it's a must that we see each others nipples. At first it felt creepy. But then Fancy reclined her chair and showed us her milky whites. The brilliance of her headlights nearly blinded me while I was driving. It was like she had her high beams on or something. As we went around the car and flashed one another I could feel skittles falling from the sky...have you tasted the rainbow...and I'm not talking about you "THE BODY" ..you little creeper! It was so beautiful, the array of HUES!!!!
Se la vie FOCKER
We had to throw a shout out to Triple-D and her funny use. Although she said the real word, and we at triple nipple don't feel like taking it quite that far. We do feel it is a good way to start out swear day. When I, Fancy Tango was growing up, my younger sister and I designated days as a swear day. We would jump on the trampoline and say every word under the sun, minus the big "F" word. We never crossed that line. Nowadays, this swear day has caught on like wildfire. Personally it is therapeutic to have a swear day damn it! When you feel like it's a shitty day, try a swear day. I assure you that you'll feel better.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Yay for N3
N3 has finally updated her intro, which is hilarious. So happy she has joined us, FINALLY! Also so excited to see her in a few days. I heart my nipple sisters!
Love,
N1
Love,
N1
Ken Jeong up in my goods
Random but funny. I finally called and set an appointment with a OB GYN to make sure baby and I are healthy. I didn't get the Dr. I wanted. Instead I got a Ken Jeong. Not really but he looks just like him and I don't know if I'll be able to take him seriously. I'm not racist just immature.
N2
N2
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Celibacy Blows
I realize that's a confusing title, but I have now been celibate for nearly a month! I don't see an end in sight to this new lifestyle, which is SO DAMN FRUSTRATING!!! Now I know what it's like to have the 3 year itch, but mine is more like a 3 week itch! I see a perfectly capable weiner who eats dinner at my table, but yet he sleeps across the hall. Why oh why am I celibate? I guess I better stock up on batteries and lube, oh wait, I'm so horny I don't even need the lube! I wonder what N3 does? She has been celibate even longer. N2, I want no comments from you. Obviously you're doing the deed because you have a bun in the oven. I personally think I just need a super hot guy who is willing because let me tell ya, I'M READY!
The Donald
A certain leader at our mutual place of cult worship looks like Donald Trump. I've named him the Donald and he hates it. Last October was hunting season and it just so happens that he invited me and my acquaintance 7 Up retro to hunt on his property. In a matter of hours I shot, cleaned, hung and skinned my first buck. I told the Donald I would be back the next day with my husband to butcher and package the meat.
The next day-
My husband and I are in the basement with the Donald packaging meat. My husband brings up that he has this stupid whip that he made when he was younger.
***Side note: I hate this whip. It is like the stepchild I never wanted. He gets it out and shows off his Indian Jones moves, which is absolutely embarrassing!
Long story short the Donald says something about using a whip and I casually tell him I do not want to know what mountain people do with whips around that area. He then proceeds to joke about me being kinky and having to call him because I have chained myself to a wall and can't get out. I looked at my husband and instantly the space around us felt completely awkward and I wanted to die. I chose to ignore the comment and continue packaging.
N2
The next day-
My husband and I are in the basement with the Donald packaging meat. My husband brings up that he has this stupid whip that he made when he was younger.
***Side note: I hate this whip. It is like the stepchild I never wanted. He gets it out and shows off his Indian Jones moves, which is absolutely embarrassing!
Long story short the Donald says something about using a whip and I casually tell him I do not want to know what mountain people do with whips around that area. He then proceeds to joke about me being kinky and having to call him because I have chained myself to a wall and can't get out. I looked at my husband and instantly the space around us felt completely awkward and I wanted to die. I chose to ignore the comment and continue packaging.
N2
My child thinks I have a porn addiction bc of Facebook
Micky Wild (N1) called me (N2) to tell me about Hue's new family portrait. So oblivious to what I was going to be witnessing I open up my Facebook and BAM! Hue's family is a pyramid of naked bodies. Stunned and trying to comprehend what I was looking at I sat there for a second and laughed to myself because I knew N3 had posted it. I didn't realize however that my eldest child was standing behind me also witnessing the unholy carnage of nakedness.
Out of no where she shouts, "Mom! What are you looking at!"
I turned around and her eyes are huge and disgusted. I try explaining over and over that I did not look that up on purpose but that someone posted that on their page. For hours she was not convinced. Through out the day the situation escalated. I turn on the tv to watch Grey's and in the first seen there is a couple going at it. Again my oldest turns to me and gives me that disappointed look.
Later that evening I take my oldest out on a mommy/offspring date and it depth explain what happened and again that it was not my fault. I explained that sometimes things just pop up on the computer when you are not looking for them.
***Side note: Like the time Micky Wild told me about THE BIG BOOB
She eventually believed me but I really had to break a sweat trying to convince my little monster that I wasn't a pervo. I hope you enjoy this post N3, I wrote it just for you. :)
N2
Out of no where she shouts, "Mom! What are you looking at!"
I turned around and her eyes are huge and disgusted. I try explaining over and over that I did not look that up on purpose but that someone posted that on their page. For hours she was not convinced. Through out the day the situation escalated. I turn on the tv to watch Grey's and in the first seen there is a couple going at it. Again my oldest turns to me and gives me that disappointed look.
Later that evening I take my oldest out on a mommy/offspring date and it depth explain what happened and again that it was not my fault. I explained that sometimes things just pop up on the computer when you are not looking for them.
***Side note: Like the time Micky Wild told me about THE BIG BOOB
She eventually believed me but I really had to break a sweat trying to convince my little monster that I wasn't a pervo. I hope you enjoy this post N3, I wrote it just for you. :)
N2
Transgender Mikayla
It has recently been brought to attention that a certain nipple may or may not have a distant family member that is dating a transgender Mangina. The Mangina is named Mikayla Wilde. We all know that is not Mangina's legal name so it can be shared via blog. This purpose of this blog is not to bash...just to point out how funny the situation is and to dube N1 as Miky Wilde. Enjoy!
10 Years Down the Drain
N1 is headed to divorce court. No details. End of story. Pity and sympathy welcome, but not required. This, after all was 10 years in the making.
The Triple Nipple Perfume Line
Featuring: BS by Paul Bunyon and Holier Than Thou. For a lighter fragrance try Essence of Holier Than Thou, it's a body mist.
Cookie Swap Aftermath
When the nipples got home from the cookie swap, N1 put on facebook that she had been black-listed from future cookie swaps. Various people that had been at the swap made comments, and we were laughing and joking about the night. The next morning, it was like all hell had broken loose. N1 received a call from a party goer who didn't even have facebook, but had heard through the grapevine that something had transpired between the nipples and the B duo. This said party goer, we'll name her S. N1 tried to give BAJ the benefit of the doubt by saying that perhaps it was just a joke. S declared that if it was a joke, it would have been said loud enough for the entire group to hear. N1 & N2 decided at that time that they were just done with BAJ and Bushy. No hard feelings, it was time to just move on. After all, they weren't really friends with either of these two ladies.
Two days after the cookie swap party, N1 receives a call from BAJ. N1 avoids said call, not wanting to really have it out at the moment, forcing BAJ to leave a voicemail. In the voicemail, BAJ insincerely apologizes not knowing what really went down as she thought we all had a fun time. She even claimed that she and everyone else "like" N1. Uh, N1 wasn't buying it. She texted BAJ and told her that she thought that she was rude, and that she DID say that, and that she made us feel uncomfortable. The response back was that it was immature for N1 to put something on facebook. N1 responded with: well perhaps we were both immature because you were gossiping about me, since as you stated, you don't even have facebook.
**Sidenote--no one ever talked to N2. No one cares about N2. N1 is the shit and people can't handle living without her!
N2 here: **Sidenote, who am I? "Look at me? Look at me?"
The day of the phone call, N2 went to a party that BAJ also attended. N2 had a great time, she didn't even give another thought to BAJ. BAJ on the other hand was really pissy that N2 didn't talk to her. She looked to be having a miserable time, which just delighted N2 all the more.
Now there seems to be total awkwardness. To the point that BAJ now refers to N1 as Sister N 1. instead of by he real first name. She also won't even acknowledge N2. In fact, N2's husband and another man from church were recently visiting BAJ's house, and as they left BAJ told the other man, say hello to your wife for me and didn't mention for N2's husband to do the same.
For any haters who think we are mean girls, SUCK IT! We can't help that people are jealous of our charm and good looks.
Two days after the cookie swap party, N1 receives a call from BAJ. N1 avoids said call, not wanting to really have it out at the moment, forcing BAJ to leave a voicemail. In the voicemail, BAJ insincerely apologizes not knowing what really went down as she thought we all had a fun time. She even claimed that she and everyone else "like" N1. Uh, N1 wasn't buying it. She texted BAJ and told her that she thought that she was rude, and that she DID say that, and that she made us feel uncomfortable. The response back was that it was immature for N1 to put something on facebook. N1 responded with: well perhaps we were both immature because you were gossiping about me, since as you stated, you don't even have facebook.
**Sidenote--no one ever talked to N2. No one cares about N2. N1 is the shit and people can't handle living without her!
N2 here: **Sidenote, who am I? "Look at me? Look at me?"
The day of the phone call, N2 went to a party that BAJ also attended. N2 had a great time, she didn't even give another thought to BAJ. BAJ on the other hand was really pissy that N2 didn't talk to her. She looked to be having a miserable time, which just delighted N2 all the more.
Now there seems to be total awkwardness. To the point that BAJ now refers to N1 as Sister N 1. instead of by he real first name. She also won't even acknowledge N2. In fact, N2's husband and another man from church were recently visiting BAJ's house, and as they left BAJ told the other man, say hello to your wife for me and didn't mention for N2's husband to do the same.
For any haters who think we are mean girls, SUCK IT! We can't help that people are jealous of our charm and good looks.
BAJ's Shitty Cookie Swap
Before we start, if I could go back in time, I, Fancy would have put laxatives in my cookies. Whiskey would have sprinkled Miralax on top of hers, too.
It all began when Fancy & Whiskey were invited to a lame ass cookie swap, hosted by none-other than BAJ. Now BAJ is not known for her hosting abilities. In fact, she is just outright awkward. Therefore Fancy & Whiskey felt obligated to attend the event, knowing they are the life of the party and all. They were not disappointed when they walked in, 30 minutes late, to realize everyone was crowded in the kitchen, awkwardly awaiting their arrival. We walked in, set down our cookies and all hell broke loose. Whiskey announced that she didn't bake her cookies, she bought them at McDonald's and used her receipt as her recipe. Everyone thought that was funny, everyone but BAJ and Bushy. BAJ and Bushy both think that Whiskey can't cook and that she's a horrible mother and housekeeper. They kept giving her a hard time about how she didn't know how to even bake, and that she is ridiculous. Fancy defended Whiskey because she knows that is utterly ridonkulous. After the awkwardness subsided, Whiskey & Fancy moved into the living room. Obviously everyone recognized that the life of the party had finally arrived because everyone else followed suit.
**Sidenote--before we entered BAJ's awkward party, we came up with a code word, BLACK SWAN, aka let's get the hell out of here, NOW!
While in the living room, we were just chit-chatting with the various guests. Some of the things they were saying were crazy. Like one of them had a 23 year old sister who was about to get hitched to a 61 year old, who claimed to only be 31. She left some stuff in a hotel room, which is the hotel another acquaintance of ours, aka BABE, manages, but needed to get them out. The details from here out are pretty foggy as everyone in the room secretly wished someone would burst in with a machine gun and spare them from listening to the rest of the dumb story. I mean really, who is 23 and thinks that a 61 year old is really 31? Later in the night when it was brought up again, someone actually was ballsy enough to ask her if her sister was stupid. I mean, come on, we were all thinking it, FINALLY someone said it!
The next topic of conversation was about a dog grooming place. It was dog grooming by day and a swingers club by night. That wasn't awkward at all. People started asking questions about the swinger lifestyle, and Whiskey & Fancy just ignored them and talked amongst themselves on the couch. They weren't interested in the dog, swinger place. Somehow this conversation morphed into the prego-ladies at the partay. Whiskey asked one what she was going to name her baby. She said that her husband liked Gaelic names and spellings to which Whiskey responded, you mean Gay-lick? That got the crowd going.
While Fancy & Whiskey were having their conversation on the couch, Fancy asked Whiskey if she had a stripper song, what would it be. Whiskey dared Fancy to ask the entire party. So, Fancy not being afraid to just say anything, did so. The look on Bushy and BAJ's faces were priceless.
Bushy said with total arrogance (she must have doused herself in Holier Than Thou perfume before leaving her house) "How do you even come up with this stuff?"
Fancy quickly gave credit where credit was due, and said, "I have this cousin, and she once asked me and for the life of me, I cannot remember my own stripper song, but I know it was AMAZING."
Bushy responded with, "Oh, so (yes, with air quotes) "cousin" is code for yourself huh?"
Fancy said, "I really do have a cousin."
Whiskey confirmed with, "Yes, she has this crazy cousin."
Cousin or not, that is a pretty darn awesome topic of conversation. Others in the room were throwing out the songs that they would pick. Fancy & Whiskey then began discussing stripper poles. Fancy even mentioned that striptease workout by Carmen Electra, that again, Fancy's cousin said was a great workout. Bushy and BAJ kept scoffing at us saying how we were inappropriate. Really? Us? Uh, I don't remember bringing up a swinger's club!
Whiskey & Fancy overheard Bushy and BAJ talking about how they don't need stripper poles or songs to satisfy their husbands. It is a well-known fact that neither of them have very satisfied husbands. They only know two things, kissing and missionary. They probably don't even realize you can have sex with the lights ON or even in the middle of the day. Those are the thoughts that have probably never crossed their pruddish little minds. Somebody get them some nipple nibbler or good head ASAP!
**Sidenote--Whiskey once convinced her grandma to put nipple nibbler on her lips like a lip gloss. Then she to told her it was nipple cream. Who does that? Seriously! It's her freaking grandma. lol
The kicker of the night, by far, was when Fancy overheard BAJ tell Bushy, well they are never going to be invited back again! To this, Fancy turned to Whiskey and said, "Black Swan! Black Swan! Black Swan!" When Whiskey heard this, it was like she had witnessed a miracle, like Moses parting the Red Sea. The torture was finally over. It was time to get the hell out of there. We couldn't run fast enough to our car! Funny thing is, as we left the party, so did everyone else, except Bushy who lagged behind and proceeded to brown nose her way right up that BAJ.
When the nipples got into the car, Whiskey thanked Fancy for getting her out of that situation. Fancy asked her if she heard BAJ and Bushy's conversation about how they weren't going to invite us back. (which, btw, really is a miracle!) We were complaining about how RUDE those girls were. I mean what did we do to them but try to have a fun time and make those around us enjoy themselves? We can't be blamed for entertaining the entire party. I mean someone had to!
We decided to bitch about them for a while longer, so we went to Wal-Mart. While on that drive, discussing their creepy prude ways, Whiskey said: "I bet that _________ doesn't even know that she can shave her bush. She's probably all bushy down there." The name Bushy M had to stick. We just knew we had a winner on our hands. Bushy and BAJ the creepy double B duo.
The highlight of the night was when Fancy rounded the corner at Wal-Mart, she nearly fell over laughing. She was practically in tears when Whiskey came over to her. Fancy pointed and said, "look!" There stocking really low, low shelves was a tiny little man. It was like a gift from God. A gift to say that all was right in the world.
It all began when Fancy & Whiskey were invited to a lame ass cookie swap, hosted by none-other than BAJ. Now BAJ is not known for her hosting abilities. In fact, she is just outright awkward. Therefore Fancy & Whiskey felt obligated to attend the event, knowing they are the life of the party and all. They were not disappointed when they walked in, 30 minutes late, to realize everyone was crowded in the kitchen, awkwardly awaiting their arrival. We walked in, set down our cookies and all hell broke loose. Whiskey announced that she didn't bake her cookies, she bought them at McDonald's and used her receipt as her recipe. Everyone thought that was funny, everyone but BAJ and Bushy. BAJ and Bushy both think that Whiskey can't cook and that she's a horrible mother and housekeeper. They kept giving her a hard time about how she didn't know how to even bake, and that she is ridiculous. Fancy defended Whiskey because she knows that is utterly ridonkulous. After the awkwardness subsided, Whiskey & Fancy moved into the living room. Obviously everyone recognized that the life of the party had finally arrived because everyone else followed suit.
**Sidenote--before we entered BAJ's awkward party, we came up with a code word, BLACK SWAN, aka let's get the hell out of here, NOW!
While in the living room, we were just chit-chatting with the various guests. Some of the things they were saying were crazy. Like one of them had a 23 year old sister who was about to get hitched to a 61 year old, who claimed to only be 31. She left some stuff in a hotel room, which is the hotel another acquaintance of ours, aka BABE, manages, but needed to get them out. The details from here out are pretty foggy as everyone in the room secretly wished someone would burst in with a machine gun and spare them from listening to the rest of the dumb story. I mean really, who is 23 and thinks that a 61 year old is really 31? Later in the night when it was brought up again, someone actually was ballsy enough to ask her if her sister was stupid. I mean, come on, we were all thinking it, FINALLY someone said it!
The next topic of conversation was about a dog grooming place. It was dog grooming by day and a swingers club by night. That wasn't awkward at all. People started asking questions about the swinger lifestyle, and Whiskey & Fancy just ignored them and talked amongst themselves on the couch. They weren't interested in the dog, swinger place. Somehow this conversation morphed into the prego-ladies at the partay. Whiskey asked one what she was going to name her baby. She said that her husband liked Gaelic names and spellings to which Whiskey responded, you mean Gay-lick? That got the crowd going.
While Fancy & Whiskey were having their conversation on the couch, Fancy asked Whiskey if she had a stripper song, what would it be. Whiskey dared Fancy to ask the entire party. So, Fancy not being afraid to just say anything, did so. The look on Bushy and BAJ's faces were priceless.
Bushy said with total arrogance (she must have doused herself in Holier Than Thou perfume before leaving her house) "How do you even come up with this stuff?"
Fancy quickly gave credit where credit was due, and said, "I have this cousin, and she once asked me and for the life of me, I cannot remember my own stripper song, but I know it was AMAZING."
Bushy responded with, "Oh, so (yes, with air quotes) "cousin" is code for yourself huh?"
Fancy said, "I really do have a cousin."
Whiskey confirmed with, "Yes, she has this crazy cousin."
Cousin or not, that is a pretty darn awesome topic of conversation. Others in the room were throwing out the songs that they would pick. Fancy & Whiskey then began discussing stripper poles. Fancy even mentioned that striptease workout by Carmen Electra, that again, Fancy's cousin said was a great workout. Bushy and BAJ kept scoffing at us saying how we were inappropriate. Really? Us? Uh, I don't remember bringing up a swinger's club!
Whiskey & Fancy overheard Bushy and BAJ talking about how they don't need stripper poles or songs to satisfy their husbands. It is a well-known fact that neither of them have very satisfied husbands. They only know two things, kissing and missionary. They probably don't even realize you can have sex with the lights ON or even in the middle of the day. Those are the thoughts that have probably never crossed their pruddish little minds. Somebody get them some nipple nibbler or good head ASAP!
**Sidenote--Whiskey once convinced her grandma to put nipple nibbler on her lips like a lip gloss. Then she to told her it was nipple cream. Who does that? Seriously! It's her freaking grandma. lol
The kicker of the night, by far, was when Fancy overheard BAJ tell Bushy, well they are never going to be invited back again! To this, Fancy turned to Whiskey and said, "Black Swan! Black Swan! Black Swan!" When Whiskey heard this, it was like she had witnessed a miracle, like Moses parting the Red Sea. The torture was finally over. It was time to get the hell out of there. We couldn't run fast enough to our car! Funny thing is, as we left the party, so did everyone else, except Bushy who lagged behind and proceeded to brown nose her way right up that BAJ.
When the nipples got into the car, Whiskey thanked Fancy for getting her out of that situation. Fancy asked her if she heard BAJ and Bushy's conversation about how they weren't going to invite us back. (which, btw, really is a miracle!) We were complaining about how RUDE those girls were. I mean what did we do to them but try to have a fun time and make those around us enjoy themselves? We can't be blamed for entertaining the entire party. I mean someone had to!
We decided to bitch about them for a while longer, so we went to Wal-Mart. While on that drive, discussing their creepy prude ways, Whiskey said: "I bet that _________ doesn't even know that she can shave her bush. She's probably all bushy down there." The name Bushy M had to stick. We just knew we had a winner on our hands. Bushy and BAJ the creepy double B duo.
The highlight of the night was when Fancy rounded the corner at Wal-Mart, she nearly fell over laughing. She was practically in tears when Whiskey came over to her. Fancy pointed and said, "look!" There stocking really low, low shelves was a tiny little man. It was like a gift from God. A gift to say that all was right in the world.
The Naked Truth About Bushy M.
This is N1 here, and I am prefacing this post to let you all know that I absolutely cannot stand Bushy M. I want to rip her face off and feed it to my cats. Rarely have I felt such disdain for one of God's creatures, but she must be the spawn of Satan because she is definitely NOT a good person. Hey N2, if you want to see a LOOK AT ME, look no further than Bushy M.
N2--I know, I'm her visiting teaching companion. Trust me, she makes me look horrible. She intentionally makes me look like crap in front of everyone we visit teach and people in Relief Society. Let's not mention that I teach her crappy little kids in my Sunday School class, and I hate them. Talk about the spawn of Satan, those kids wreak of Holier Than Thou.
How we arrived at the name of the Bushy. This story also takes place at the cookie swap, but we just need to complain about this bitch for a while.
N1's encounters began at church choir practice. N1 was forced to have to play the piano for the choir, despite having a tremendously full schedule and no time to even practice. N1 spent a particularly embarrassing Sunday evening trying to play a song for the choir, when out of the blue Bushy decides she's going to just try it out. Bushy sat down and plunked it out perfectly. N1 had to just take a step outside as to not cry from the humiliation. Bushy just basked in her glorious musical talent, meanwhile N1 was shooting daggers at her, and if she had real daggers, she probably would have knifed her right then and there at the piano. It was just outright ridiculous the treatment that N1 was receiving.
Oh my gosh, the story continues at the cookie swap. So go to the next post...it won't disappoint!
N2--I know, I'm her visiting teaching companion. Trust me, she makes me look horrible. She intentionally makes me look like crap in front of everyone we visit teach and people in Relief Society. Let's not mention that I teach her crappy little kids in my Sunday School class, and I hate them. Talk about the spawn of Satan, those kids wreak of Holier Than Thou.
How we arrived at the name of the Bushy. This story also takes place at the cookie swap, but we just need to complain about this bitch for a while.
N1's encounters began at church choir practice. N1 was forced to have to play the piano for the choir, despite having a tremendously full schedule and no time to even practice. N1 spent a particularly embarrassing Sunday evening trying to play a song for the choir, when out of the blue Bushy decides she's going to just try it out. Bushy sat down and plunked it out perfectly. N1 had to just take a step outside as to not cry from the humiliation. Bushy just basked in her glorious musical talent, meanwhile N1 was shooting daggers at her, and if she had real daggers, she probably would have knifed her right then and there at the piano. It was just outright ridiculous the treatment that N1 was receiving.
Oh my gosh, the story continues at the cookie swap. So go to the next post...it won't disappoint!
The Making of BAJ
Have you ever had a friend that annoyed you? Well, err, not really a friend, but more someone that you can't manage to get rid of. In the infamous words of Luke Skywalker, "I can't shake him!" This is how we feel about one KJ. She started out as KJ, until the day she invited us to her infamous cookie swap, where she became BAJ....we'll be writing about that in another post. For now, we will just cut to the chase and refer to her strictly as BAJ as to not confuse our wonderful readers.
Here's the low down on BAJ. She is like super like annoying like worse than like I've ever like seen. Likedy, like, like. Now that's what a convo consists of with BAJ. My head wants to explode after about the 4th run-on sentence with 100 likes in it, with her high-pitched, squeaky, freaking annoying voice! She talks a mile a minute, and therefore, she basically has conversations with herself; don't try to get a word in edgewise.
The most noticeable thing about her, when first you meet her really can depend upon the day that you do meet her. For when BAJ doesn't wear make up it is very noticeable that she does not have eyebrows. When the make up is on, the ANGRY BAJ comes out to play because those eyebrows are scary looking.
Oh, and let's not forget that she has no boobs, a relatively small waste, and then she just has the BIGGEST ASS you've ever seen. Talk about junk in the trunk, baby got back, apple bottom jeans (Whiskey--boots with the fur) (Fancy--the whole club was looking at her!) Oops, our blog, we can talk about us here and there. So the chick has an ENORMOUS bottom. Words cannot even describe it. If you were a church-going person, and you were trying to picture her, she would take up an entire small pew. She definitely puts the MAXIMUS in glutius-maximus.
Each of us individually have had some crazy run-ins with her, but the ugly BAJ came out when N3 began having some tumultuous times. During these troublesome times, Whiskey took a MAJOR hit from BAJ. Because Whiskey and Tassels became close through N3's problems, BAJ felt as though she was left out. She publically complained on facebook about how people leave her out of everything. N1 tried to keep the peace and invited her out to things periodically because well N1 is the nicest of all the triple nipples.
**Side-note--Whiskey, would describe that as a LOOK AT ME moment!
The rudeness didn't stop there. BAJ made every social situation where we gathered with various friends awkward as a nursing mother who whips it out in a room full of conservative people! Now BAJ has a rocky relationship with her husband at best. To be honest, I've seen this jack-ass husband hit on Whiskey more than one time. Whiskey is creeped out by him, and she has every right to be. I mean let's face it. He is like a creepy, greasy, used-care salesman. Some may even refer to him as Steve Buschemi.
**Side-note, one time Fancy & Whiskey went to pick up Fancy's son from school, and we saw him, so we put on facebook how we saw Steve Buschemi at the elementary school. Everyone in our town thought it was the REAL Steve Buschemi. He's pretty damn SB in our book!
So now you understand that BAJ has serious self-esteem issues. Now I feel a little bad ragging on her because I know she lacks the confidence of any of the triples on our worst, fatest, bloatiest days. But, let's be real here, BAJ has had it coming to her! She is a plan old BITCH!
In a final, ditch effort to repair any type of relationship or hard feelings, Whiskey invited BAJ and N1 to a Mexican dinner out. Fancy may have made her feel a little awkward, but mentioning that the BIG J****** t-shirts are about weiners. That offended her as her husband's nickname is BIG J******. How was N1 to know that she had NO clue what that meant? Fancy tried to redeem herself when she road the mechanical horse at the restaurant. However, the only people to find humor in that were Whiskey & Fancy as well as all workers in the restaurant because they came to check Fancy's rodeo out. They laughed and laughed. Whiskey tried to smooth things over by getting out of the car and dancing at stoplights. BAJ told us then that her idea of fun was making scary faces at strangers. Uh, BAJ you are not the right fit for ANY nipple. You, my not really friend, are just a lonely girl with a creepy big ass!
Whiskey here--I cannot freaking stand this face. I want to slap those angry eyebrows right off her face. In honor of my hatred, I created a Mii. Pictures to follow.
Here's the low down on BAJ. She is like super like annoying like worse than like I've ever like seen. Likedy, like, like. Now that's what a convo consists of with BAJ. My head wants to explode after about the 4th run-on sentence with 100 likes in it, with her high-pitched, squeaky, freaking annoying voice! She talks a mile a minute, and therefore, she basically has conversations with herself; don't try to get a word in edgewise.
The most noticeable thing about her, when first you meet her really can depend upon the day that you do meet her. For when BAJ doesn't wear make up it is very noticeable that she does not have eyebrows. When the make up is on, the ANGRY BAJ comes out to play because those eyebrows are scary looking.
Oh, and let's not forget that she has no boobs, a relatively small waste, and then she just has the BIGGEST ASS you've ever seen. Talk about junk in the trunk, baby got back, apple bottom jeans (Whiskey--boots with the fur) (Fancy--the whole club was looking at her!) Oops, our blog, we can talk about us here and there. So the chick has an ENORMOUS bottom. Words cannot even describe it. If you were a church-going person, and you were trying to picture her, she would take up an entire small pew. She definitely puts the MAXIMUS in glutius-maximus.
Each of us individually have had some crazy run-ins with her, but the ugly BAJ came out when N3 began having some tumultuous times. During these troublesome times, Whiskey took a MAJOR hit from BAJ. Because Whiskey and Tassels became close through N3's problems, BAJ felt as though she was left out. She publically complained on facebook about how people leave her out of everything. N1 tried to keep the peace and invited her out to things periodically because well N1 is the nicest of all the triple nipples.
**Side-note--Whiskey, would describe that as a LOOK AT ME moment!
The rudeness didn't stop there. BAJ made every social situation where we gathered with various friends awkward as a nursing mother who whips it out in a room full of conservative people! Now BAJ has a rocky relationship with her husband at best. To be honest, I've seen this jack-ass husband hit on Whiskey more than one time. Whiskey is creeped out by him, and she has every right to be. I mean let's face it. He is like a creepy, greasy, used-care salesman. Some may even refer to him as Steve Buschemi.
**Side-note, one time Fancy & Whiskey went to pick up Fancy's son from school, and we saw him, so we put on facebook how we saw Steve Buschemi at the elementary school. Everyone in our town thought it was the REAL Steve Buschemi. He's pretty damn SB in our book!
So now you understand that BAJ has serious self-esteem issues. Now I feel a little bad ragging on her because I know she lacks the confidence of any of the triples on our worst, fatest, bloatiest days. But, let's be real here, BAJ has had it coming to her! She is a plan old BITCH!
In a final, ditch effort to repair any type of relationship or hard feelings, Whiskey invited BAJ and N1 to a Mexican dinner out. Fancy may have made her feel a little awkward, but mentioning that the BIG J****** t-shirts are about weiners. That offended her as her husband's nickname is BIG J******. How was N1 to know that she had NO clue what that meant? Fancy tried to redeem herself when she road the mechanical horse at the restaurant. However, the only people to find humor in that were Whiskey & Fancy as well as all workers in the restaurant because they came to check Fancy's rodeo out. They laughed and laughed. Whiskey tried to smooth things over by getting out of the car and dancing at stoplights. BAJ told us then that her idea of fun was making scary faces at strangers. Uh, BAJ you are not the right fit for ANY nipple. You, my not really friend, are just a lonely girl with a creepy big ass!
Whiskey here--I cannot freaking stand this face. I want to slap those angry eyebrows right off her face. In honor of my hatred, I created a Mii. Pictures to follow.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Milky White Areolas
Every woman has her insecurities, but when it comes to your boobies, you feel the pressure if you're going to measure up in some way to other women. Having decent to large sized bosoms, I never thought I would feel insecure about my breastisis. When I gave birth to my one and only child (it was traumatic) he had no trouble finding the goods, like the typical male. Since it was my first go-round with the whole breast-feeding thing. I wanted some opinions to make sure the little guy was hooking up to my milking machine correctly, and thus the lactation specialist came to pay me a little visit. After giving me a few pointers and feeling up the girls (all without even asking, the pushy broad) she exclaimed, "My! Why I've never seen areolas so light before!" Uh, hello, tact lady, tact. You look at titties for a living, and you're going to make a judgement call here? And seriously crazy lady, I just had a baby, a baby via a c-section. Really? You're going to insult me? If I had ya know, popped the little urchin outta my honey pot, and I wasn't currently recovering from major abdominal surgery and 9 very long months of pregnancy, I might have hopped out of the bed and snapped her like a twig. Instead, I dropped my jaw in disbelief, not even knowing if there was anything to say.
But now, a few years later, thanks to Lady Gaga, I can embrace my milky white areolas because baby I was born this way.
But now, a few years later, thanks to Lady Gaga, I can embrace my milky white areolas because baby I was born this way.
33 Year Old Turd
Way back when, last year, there was so much chaos in the lives of the triple nipples that we needed an outlet to get our minds off of what was going on. One night, after having dinner out, we were sitting in the car, and we were discussing the good old days of our youth, when we were toilet papering bastards, err, I mean masters. We decided, with a twinkle in our eye, that it was time to wreak some havoc on the homes of the members of our church. It just so happened, that it was a certain member's birthday, so he became target #1; with car paint, instant mashed potatoes, and lots and lots of toilet paper. This must have been inspired, as he had a GIANT tree in his front yard, and all lights were out at 9:30 p.m. when we arrived. On a side-note, Tassels was totally pregnant at the time of this heinous crime.
Upon arrival, with lights off, and toilet paper in hand, Fancy took it upon herself to "cast the first stone" aka the toilet paper into the first tree. It seemed like pandimonium as we all began to use our individual techniques and try hard to scatter toilet paper all over the lawn and within the trees. Fancy loves to blow her nose, then shred the nasty pieces filled with her boogers all over the lawn, making it absolutely necessary for someone to touch her disgusting germs. Whiskey grabbed the marker and went tits up on all the windows of the house and cars; writing 33 year old turd, old geezer, old fart, etc. on each of the windows. Tassels had the bright idea of bringing instant mashed potatoes. Instant mashed potatoes you ask? Why bring those to a t.p.ing job? Tassels quickly taught Fancy and Whiskey a valuable lesson. By sprinkling the instant mashed potatoes all over wet surfaces and in cracks of sidewalks, they begin to expand, and are quite difficult to be rid of.
Just as Tassels sprinkled the last potato flake, Fancy thought she heard a noise. She quickly alerted the others to her suspicion that someone was stirring in the house. All the nipples bounded away. Fancy attempted to hide behind a small foreign car, aka a child's play car. Whiskey found a giant snowball in the middle of the street, where her butt was still exposed (baby got back!) and Tassels attempted to waddle away as fast as she could, but was still unable to escape the inevitable. Thus a little trickle, trickle made it's way down her leg, which at the time caused Tassels to stop dead in her tracks and burst into laughter.
The next day at church, the 33 year old turd was standing at the doors of the chapel asking people to write the number 33 on a paper. Whiskey had the privilege of sitting behind said turd and his family, where he tried to inquire if she knew who had done the damage to his house. Whiskey was then invited to his birthday party, where the t.p. job was the topic of conversation. Everyone there was required to write 33 year old turd as they entered the party.
Jokes on you 33 year old turd. You drove your car to church with the graffiti. You will be forever remembered as a 33 year old turd in our book!
Upon arrival, with lights off, and toilet paper in hand, Fancy took it upon herself to "cast the first stone" aka the toilet paper into the first tree. It seemed like pandimonium as we all began to use our individual techniques and try hard to scatter toilet paper all over the lawn and within the trees. Fancy loves to blow her nose, then shred the nasty pieces filled with her boogers all over the lawn, making it absolutely necessary for someone to touch her disgusting germs. Whiskey grabbed the marker and went tits up on all the windows of the house and cars; writing 33 year old turd, old geezer, old fart, etc. on each of the windows. Tassels had the bright idea of bringing instant mashed potatoes. Instant mashed potatoes you ask? Why bring those to a t.p.ing job? Tassels quickly taught Fancy and Whiskey a valuable lesson. By sprinkling the instant mashed potatoes all over wet surfaces and in cracks of sidewalks, they begin to expand, and are quite difficult to be rid of.
Just as Tassels sprinkled the last potato flake, Fancy thought she heard a noise. She quickly alerted the others to her suspicion that someone was stirring in the house. All the nipples bounded away. Fancy attempted to hide behind a small foreign car, aka a child's play car. Whiskey found a giant snowball in the middle of the street, where her butt was still exposed (baby got back!) and Tassels attempted to waddle away as fast as she could, but was still unable to escape the inevitable. Thus a little trickle, trickle made it's way down her leg, which at the time caused Tassels to stop dead in her tracks and burst into laughter.
The next day at church, the 33 year old turd was standing at the doors of the chapel asking people to write the number 33 on a paper. Whiskey had the privilege of sitting behind said turd and his family, where he tried to inquire if she knew who had done the damage to his house. Whiskey was then invited to his birthday party, where the t.p. job was the topic of conversation. Everyone there was required to write 33 year old turd as they entered the party.
Jokes on you 33 year old turd. You drove your car to church with the graffiti. You will be forever remembered as a 33 year old turd in our book!
The Birth of Hue Jass by N1 & N2
The other day N2 and I were discussing our blog, the triple nipple, and we decided to make a facebook page as well. However, we became side-tracked because of our immature natures. Through the process of trying to develop our facebook account, N2 spouted out the name, "Hue Jass" and we knew we had to go above and beyond; creating our creepy, pervy, hilarious alter-ego. Thus Hue Jass was born with perky pecks and a crooked smile. Overnight, Hue Jass literally raped, pillaged, and corrupted the people of facebook. Some of our "friends" may never be the same again. Here's just a showcase of the best of Hue Jass, working his mojo on day 1.
- " There's my little indian."
- "I love a little pussy on the side. I watch birds and reptiles too"--Hue is a trained dog walker, he runs a successful business out of Omak, WA.
- Hue created an imaginary dog training event in a church parking lot. Here's his description. "Come one come all big and small, maybe even tall....Dogs ladies I'm talking about dogs bring them to me and I will take them on a test walk ...always picking up new clients but only the most well behaved both owner and pet ;)"
- "Perpetually pokey--that's what she said.
- "I'm like the circus, I'm like the greatest show on earth baby."
- A convo with a friend:
- Hue: Elephants, and just so you know, I really resemble one.
- Friend: you do huh, and how's that?
- Hue: I have a tail
- Friend: a tail? like an elephant wow that's pretty long for a human
- Hue: no, an extrat vertebrate on my back you pervert
- Friend: hey i'm not the pervert, you said you had a TAIL like an elephant
- Hue: well if you're going to go there, that's more like an elephant's trunk.
- Friend: lol
Meet Triple Nipple
Welcome to "the triple nipple". The world is our bra, and we're here to fill it. In this blog we plan to gossip, poke fun at, entertain, share our stories, and humiliate ourselves and everyone we can think of. We became friends through a series of unfortunate events. It all started at the 3rd nipples house where she ambushed us for a dinner party. She has a way of always putting her boobies out there, and we're grateful to her for that.
Now for the real peep show. We'll let the triple nipples speak for themselves.
Heeeeeyy, "Look at the fun bags on that hose hound" --Hi I'm "Fancy"/N1. I am the oldest of all the nipples, and therefore I claim the title of #1. Thankfully I've nursed the fewest babies, and therefore have the purkiest of all the titties in this joint. I'm a 29+++ year old with wicked-pervy sense of humor. I love all things milky white, just like my areolas. I don't know about the rest of my nipple sisters, but I plan on calling it like I see it, which may offend even them.
Whats up its "Whiskey"/N2 aka Aunt Jemima in the house. I'm surprised I was even a candidate in the nipple elections. Like every good politician I have a few extra bills in my bra. I'm an old soul trapped in a flat chested body. Which has caused me to use my other assets but now I'm putting my best boob forward. I plan on retelling life as it unfolds in a sarcastic and witty manner. My boobs bounce to the beat of their own drum.
N3 here aka "Tassles"... finally getting around to hooting for my hooters. My breasts have been a major topic of conversation for years, so I think it's fitting to join with my girls N1 and N2 and make a blog about being Breast Friends. My now out gay ex husband lovingly referred to my generous titties as "Brazzle" and "Dazzle" (that should have been a red flag, right?) He may be gay, but he knows a good pair of boobs when he sees them. These beauties truly steal the stage. I plan on sharing all the joys and sorrows life throws at me, and doing it with my breasts held high.
Now for the real peep show. We'll let the triple nipples speak for themselves.
Heeeeeyy, "Look at the fun bags on that hose hound" --Hi I'm "Fancy"/N1. I am the oldest of all the nipples, and therefore I claim the title of #1. Thankfully I've nursed the fewest babies, and therefore have the purkiest of all the titties in this joint. I'm a 29+++ year old with wicked-pervy sense of humor. I love all things milky white, just like my areolas. I don't know about the rest of my nipple sisters, but I plan on calling it like I see it, which may offend even them.
Whats up its "Whiskey"/N2 aka Aunt Jemima in the house. I'm surprised I was even a candidate in the nipple elections. Like every good politician I have a few extra bills in my bra. I'm an old soul trapped in a flat chested body. Which has caused me to use my other assets but now I'm putting my best boob forward. I plan on retelling life as it unfolds in a sarcastic and witty manner. My boobs bounce to the beat of their own drum.
N3 here aka "Tassles"... finally getting around to hooting for my hooters. My breasts have been a major topic of conversation for years, so I think it's fitting to join with my girls N1 and N2 and make a blog about being Breast Friends. My now out gay ex husband lovingly referred to my generous titties as "Brazzle" and "Dazzle" (that should have been a red flag, right?) He may be gay, but he knows a good pair of boobs when he sees them. These beauties truly steal the stage. I plan on sharing all the joys and sorrows life throws at me, and doing it with my breasts held high.
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